Help is given in a myriad of ways. Knowledge imparted. Guidance provided. An outstretched hand. A listening ear. Silent presence. Encouraging words. Skills taught. Mentorship offered. Introductions made. Kindness shared.

Who I am today is largely based on the grace and gifts of help I have received and also paid forward. As a matter of fact, I consider the act of asking for help as one of my superpowers. Specifically, when I feel lost, confused, and need important, often pivotal or critical information that is outside of my knowledge base or experiential wheelhouse, I naturally seek out the wisdom and help from those who know more. The same act that most people view as a weakness — asking for help — I view as a powerful act of strength. I don’t view the lack of knowledge or needing of help as something to be hidden, pretending I know more than I do or am more capable in that moment than I am. Rather, it’s just a relatable, and some even say an endearing quality, in that it speaks to our common humanity.

But even more importantly, it is a wildly valuable opportunity to learn. To grow. To level up.

The discomfort of asking for help that is so often associated with weakness, in actuality, is the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability. Laying bare, mask off, open to perceived judgement.

But I come back to our common humanity. We all need help from time to time. That is the human condition. To pretend otherwise is a fools errand.

The crux is whether or not we have the humility to not be the smartest person in the room — not yet anyway? Do we have the courage to be vulnerable? To lean on or turn to someone else until we can stand independently on our own?

Personally, I have found that the power of seeking and accepting another’s hand can be life changing. Steadying. Guiding. Comforting. Their support conveying, “I’ve got you.”

Sometimes, literally, it is all we need in order to brave new places we would have never dared previously, having not believed in ourselves enough to lean into something different. Something greater. Having been too scared and unsure.

But the giver of their hand, they see us. Already knowing what we are capable of, they can fully envision the reinvention waiting for us on the other side of our fear.

And so the only way forward into our metamorphosis is to trust. To soften into the cocoon of their knowing until our own wings are ready. Letting ourselves be held in the space in between. Having faith that the gulf from where we are in this moment to where we want to be is often so much smaller than we think. Understanding that asking for help often is the key that opens the door to growth, connection, and transformation.

Xoxo - Francesca

What I know to be true is that stopping a bad habit can be just as powerful, and often times even more so, than starting a new one.

I wish I was doing exactly that. 

As my 101-day elite training program comes to a close, where I set out to achieve the ONE thing that will most powerfully change my life, I admit that I didn’t pick the thing I should have chosen: Staying off my phone at night in bed.

Waking up tired every day, I’ve known for months and months and months that I have this Pavlovian response to “unwind” in bed, by scrolling through Apple News, bypassing Trump and our world coming to an end, and beelining directly to fashion. What are people wearing right now? That’s my algorithm.  

I absolutely know better.

Digital technology use within an hour of going to bed, with it’s blue light and dopamine stimulation, disrupts the production of our sleep hormone, melatonin, delaying us from falling asleep. And, just like our body must metabolize everything we feed it, so too must our mind process everything we take in. Do I really need to have my sleep cycles hijacked by what Hailey Bieber wore to dinner with Zoe Kravitz?

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Many people don’t know that I’m a Certified Optimize Coach, having for years rigorously studied and practiced moving from theory towards mastery of implementing ancient wisdom, modern science, and the fundamentals of optimal living into my own life, that of my family, and with C-Suite executives in my previous professional life.

I know everything I’m doing, as it pertains to using my phone in bed until I set it down to go to sleep, is completely wrong.

Consider this…

Typically when we have a goal we want to reach, or a desired outcome we want to work towards, we think in terms of what we need to start to do.

For example, “I want to be healthier so I am going to eat more leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables each day,” or “I want to be more productive so I am going to complete a 90 minute deep work block each morning before engaging in reactionary emails and texts,” or “I want to have more energy so I am going to go to sleep by 9 pm each night.”

Knowing what our goal is, instinctually leads us to begin to identify the steps that we need to take to achieve it.

Essentially, we orient our strategy into one of habit formation, that once installed, a routine or set of actions become autonomous.

However, often the most powerful way to change our life is to stop doing the number one thing that is negatively impacting our life or getting in the way of us reaching our goal(s).

That number one thing could be glaringly obvious, as it once was for me after waking up day after day with a hangover: “I must stop drinking.”

Or it could be something subtly insidious, as it is for me now, after waking up day after day poorly rested: “I must stop using technology late into the night before going to bed.”

Intuitively we know what that number one thing is that is holding us back from who we want to be, how we want to feel, or what we want to achieve. That thing that makes us feel anxious when we consider cutting it because we’ve tried before and weren’t successful or we’ve been too scared to try, thinking there is no way we could do it.

In architecture, a keystone is the central, wedge-shaped stone at the top of an arch that locks all the other stones into place, establishing structural stability. We all have a keystone habit. It’s the one, most important habit, which if we do it, we are the most powerful, energized version of ourselves ready to create a masterpiece day. (If you could wave a wand and create your best most fulfilling day, that is your unique masterpiece day. I’ll be writing about this soon.) And if we don’t honor our keystone habit by doing it each day, we are not as strong and steady as we could be. We may even begin to crumble in how we show up for ourselves, our loved ones, and our responsibilities.

So I ask you, what is the one thing that, if you stopped doing it, would most support you in nailing your keystone habit each day? It is precisely that thing you must stop doing. And when you do, it may just be the most powerful step towards becoming who you want to be.

My husband’s keystone habit is working out. Yours might be meditating, taking a daily hike in nature, or eating clean. Getting restorative, rejuvenating sleep is my keystone habit. I’m a worse mother, wife, writer — you name it — when I wake up poorly rested.

To that end, today I (re)commit again, not to starting something virtuous, but rather to stopping the very vice that is most negatively impacting my day to day life.

So I ask you again, what is the one habit or one thing, that if you STOPPED doing, would most positively impact your life?

xoxo - Francesca

The week that we closed escrow on our new home, the lower level flooded from a torrential rain. Thirteen inches of rain in less than 24 hours coupled with an improperly installed sump tank and our newly owned home took in several inches of water.

Discovering one construction flaw led us to uncover numerous other issues that were done shoddily, or altogether improperly when the house was first built. It is hard for my husband and me to allow suboptimal solutions to remain. This is who we are, for better and for worse.

One yield that has come from this enduring labor is that I have learned much more about myself. I now realize how acutely I look at life through the lens of design. But not in the way that we usually think of when we hear the word design. Rather design in a broader contextual way.

Design for me is about intention.

Specifically, the intentional process of how we choose to create, shape, and organize our life with purpose and meaning. I care deeply about all of the details that together make up a life. The beauty and function, yes, but even more so, the meaning we derive from how we show up in this world as ourselves and for others. The communities we build and support, the sanctuary we create in our home, the values from which we raise our children, the supportive embrace we hold our friends, the generosity of words and deeds we share, and yes even the superfluous such as the way we dress, the farmers market flowers we fill our rooms with, and the holiday cards we send out. Marrying the material artifacts we love with the spiritual essence of who we are and how we live our lives.

I curate and I always have.

This is from where My Little Black Book was born. A place to share information, inspiration, and found treasures.

Nothing ever is sponsored or affiliate linked. Period. These are truly special finds that I am excited about and want to share with you.

1. My office is one of my absolute favorite rooms of my current house and most definitely will also be in our new home. It is a total reflection of what I love and cherish. It houses small treasures gifted to me by those who love me such as lucky brass elephants brought back from India by my bestie Bita, sentimental heirlooms from my grandparents such as the Buddha of contentment from my great grandmother Ruth, multiple original artworks of my mother, Christine, three significant objets d’art from my father-in-law Alan, handmade drawings from my daughter, and handwritten poems from my son. An alter of love. All of which is set around a central piece of furniture. My seven by four foot one-of-a-kind orange leather desk. So when this stunning vintage Chinese Art Deco rug was presented to me to anchor my office, I fell deeply and madly in love. At 13 x 10 feet, this silk rug with its bold yet soft hues holds its own.

2. Hands down I am blown away by the results of this serum. Having experienced firsthand the astounding healing affects of platelet rich plasma, I was very curious to try Dr Diamond’s Metacine Instafacial Plasma because it is formulated to “simulate platelet-rich plasma’s ability to support skin repair & rejuvenation.” This may be the first time I am using a product where my skin reacts exactly as promised. In this case “more lifted, firmer, tighter & luminous.” I love this serum!

3. Another new love of mine are these chocolate covered, nut butter stuffed, sea salt sprinkled Medjool dates by Gato. They are indulgent, delicious, and clean. The best kind of dessert or afternoon treat. And it is a woman owned business.

I hope you enjoyed these special finds as much as I have enjoyed sharing them with you.

Until next time, xoxo,

Francesca

What I know for sure is…

This is my battle cry as I wage war on the digital vortex hijacking my children’s - all of our children’s - time and attention, physical and emotional development, and ability to think complexly and problem solve.

We are allowing the lives and minds of modern adolescents and young adults to be completely designed by their technology.

Think about it for a minute. How has your technology shaped your day to day existence?

We are expected to be reachable in relatively real time during all hours. We buy most of our personal products on them, ranging from groceries to clothes to cars. We schedule our workout classes, and often do said classes over our screens. We pay bills, log on for Telehealth, and order in dinner. We smile for the selfie, filter our faces, and curate our life for likes. We numb out watching, scrolling, posting, gaming, procrastinating. We flirt, looking for love or hookups. We can’t fathom leaving the house without our device(s).

The biggest designer of how we choose to live our lives resides in our pockets or handbags.

For better, yes, when we are the architects choosing clear parameters of what, when, and for how long we will use our devices. And for worse, absolutely, when our technology controls and corrupts us, stealing time away from what is truly important, killing our ability to literally sustain focus and think critically, and eroding our sleep, social connections, and physical activity.

For our children, pondering, hypothesizing, debating, persuading, critically examining has gone by the wayside preferring the ease and instant gratification of asking Siri, the web, or their AI of choice. Instant gratification is chipping away at the development of our children’s executive functions including impulse control, delayed gratification, and focus. Cognitive flexibility and self-regulation is being undermined.

Tech companies refer to their customers as users. Just as society calls those who do drugs by the same name: users. And it is no coincidence. Most apps activate the human brain in the same centers as substance addictions such as alcohol and cocaine.

Phones have become the number one drug of our choice.

Adam Alter, NYU professor and renown researcher on judgment, decision making and social psychology, points out,

“Children are especially vulnerable to addiction, because they lack the self-control that prevents many adults from developing addictive habits. Regulated societies respond by refusing to sell alcohol and cigarettes to children — but very few societies regulate behavioral addictions. Kids can still play with interactive tech for hours at a time, and they can still play video games as long as their parents will allow.”

That is to say, our children are no match for the armies of savant minds tasked with creating cheap, round-the-clock, dopamine addictive amusements. Nor for hyper personalized algorithms written to hook, distort, and distance, skewing our children into believing they are fragile and righteous.

Neil Postman’s thesis in his 1985 book, Amusing Ourselves to Death, posited that our downfall would come from our own voluntary surrender to pleasure derived from modern media.

, in The Price of Mass Amusement published this week in , explores and builds upon Neil Postman’s book, succinctly contending:

“When a new communication tool becomes widespread, society naturally embraces its most obvious benefits - often ignoring the hidden tradeoffs that subtly alter our psychology and culture.”

So what are our kids doing on their tech and for how long are they using it?

The key findings of a new report released this week by Common Sense Media show,

“That digital media habits for children age 8 and under are evolving. Forty percent of children have a tablet by age 2, and nearly 1 in 4 have a personal cellphone by age 8. While their screen time remains steady at about 2.5 hours per day, there has been a shift in how screen time is being used. Gaming time has surged 65% in four years, and traditional TV viewing has declined, while short-form video platforms like TikTok and YouTube Shorts are on the rise, underscoring the increasingly complex media environment that parents must navigate in their children's early years.”

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,

“Children aged 8 - 12 in the United States spend an average of 4-6 hours per day watching or using screens, and teens spend up to 9 hours.”

And how is this use impacting or changing our children?

Here are just a few research findings:

“The fast pace and rewarding nature of TikTok can lead to a reduction in attention span, especially for tasks requiring sustained focus.” 1

“Watching TV or playing video games for ≥1 hour per day is associated with obesity in adolescents who did not meet the guidelines for physical activity.”2

“Seven longitudinal studies revealed a significant association between screen time and myopia development among children and adolescents.”3

“Screen exposure, especially near bedtime, directly leads to poor sleep quality and hence has numerous adverse physical and psychological manifestations.”4

Brain rot, defined as “the supposed deterioration of a person’s mental or intellectual state, especially viewed as the overconsumption of material (now particularly online content) considered to be trivial or unchallenging,” has so insidiously become part of our cultural experience that it was selected as Oxford University Press’ Word of the Year for 2024.

Cal Newport’s thesis in his seminal book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World centers on how critical, while also simultaneously rare, it is for people today to be able to focus undistracted, and long enough, to think and work deeply on cognitively demanding tasks. The type of tasks that actually produce valuable output. Output that makes a difference. Output that drives complex problem solving, creative, original thought, and innovation, not to mention feelings of flow, accomplishment, and satisfaction. A sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Do our kids realize that they are designing their lives with their screens?

And why are we, our children’s stewards, their protectors, not shielding their wellbeing more stringently?

My 14 year old, left to his own devices (pun intended) would likely design his daily life to include copious amounts of time playing Brawl Stars and watching movies plus YouTube shorts. I understand. It’s fun, and even more powerfully, it’s addictive. To say nothing of the case that his peers are engaged heavily with it.

To which I repeat often,

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

As I swim against the tidal wave of digital norms, I often examine my rules, reasons, fears, and hopes around tech use for my son. A constant dialogue runs between me, myself, and I. Yes, I want to honor his adolescent need to have agency over how he designs his life. I also can’t ignore the crescendo of alarms. Our children’s digital enmeshment is hurting them.

So as unpopular as it is, I stay the course. Folding in the good and fun of tech, I also continue to insist he is very intentional about when he can use it, what he will do, and for how long.

Yours, in the trenches,

xoxo, Francesca

Greetings from Colorado!

The snow gods have been dumping fresh powder since we arrived. Kiernan and Mark, our snowboarding instructors, thanked us for bringing the great weather. It’s the first big storm to hit Aspen in a handful of weeks. “Free refills” Kiernan says, referring to how fast and heavy the snow is falling and filling the freshly grooved ski and snowboard tracks. The conditions couldn’t be much more ideal.

Today we are at Buttermilk, the smallest of the four ridges around us. The chairlift up the mountain moves swiftly as we climb 9,900 feet. Complete winter white with the exception of the green fur of the Lodge Pole pines and creamy bark of the leafless Aspen trees that line the runs. The frigid snow and wind stings my nose and cheeks. I keep adjusting my mask to cover my face better but finally succumb. It’s no use. My mittens are not maneuverable enough to proficiently secure the edge of my mask under my goggles. About ten minutes later, as it’s time to glide off the Summit Express, the crevices of our jackets and pants have accumulated mounds of fallen snow.

This winter my family and I have been learning to snowboard. Stringing together progressive steps. Spreading the snow as we slide on our heels and sit back into an imaginary chair. Leaning, knees bent, our shins pressing into our boots while extending our hips forward, we ride toe side of the board. Pointing with our shoulder and looking in the direction we want to go in order to steer our board, linking turns across and down the slope.

We split up at the top of the mountain. My husband and son head with Mark to a blue run to warm up before moving on to the black diamonds they started venturing down the day prior. Mark is the perfect instructor for my guys. He has a warm and easy way about him. Game for the adventure ahead. In addition to instruction, Mark gives them a lot of latitude, perfect for their appetite and skill level.

My daughter and I follow Kiernan to a mellow green run. Kiernan, like Mark, is a world class instructor. Kind, patient, and encouraging, I feel safe and looked after with Kiernan. His eyes and smile are nurturing and his mannerisms put me at ease. Intuitively, he understands and meets me exactly where I am at.

I am slowing my daughter down for sure. She easily handles blue runs with confidence. We promise her that we will make our way to some more difficult terrain by the end of the day.

Having been an accomplished athlete my whole life, I really value mastering technique and solid mechanics over speed of progression. But even more so, my painstakingly slow advancement learning to snowboard has to do with my fear and lack of confidence. Fear of falling. Fear of not being able to control my descent down the mountain. Fear of getting hurt.

On our last day before heading back home to Los Angeles, serendipitously we all meet up part way down the mountain. I see the excitement and thrill on my son’s face as he is advancing at lightening speed, now doing Ollie jumps. I see my husband smiling and happy, gliding smoothly and confidently, having a blast. I have watched my daughter fearlessly and effortlessly make her way down every run regardless of the steepness. But I am still just trying to figure it all out.

Even though I know better, I can’t help but compare myself to all of them. My spirits plummet.

This is so hard for me.

I try not to cry. I look for comfort and a place to hide my emotions that are now betraying me as my eyes well up with tears. I find this place in the crook of my daughter’s neck while I give her a big hug.

Later that night I remember that at the very least, I am in the arena.

You know, in the arena Brené Brown drew attention to in her wildly powerful TED talk on vulnerability. The same arena President Theodore Roosevelt put on the map in his intensely inspiring speech delivered in 1910 at the Sorbonne in Paris.

Infinitely timeless and relevant, it is this famous passage that has shaped so much of how I look at growth and achievement.

It is this passage that I have shared with my children countless times over the years. In times of triumph, but especially in times of disappointment or defeat.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

And so at the end of the day, nowhere near having achieved what my family members have already, I call to mind that great passage and acknowledge silently to myself that I am in the arena, striving valiantly, instead of sitting on the sidelines too afraid to even try. And for this I am grateful, hopeful, and (somewhat) content.

Sending love and encouragement to step into whatever arena you may be hesitant to enter. It’s worth it!

Xoxo,

Francesca

Hello, hello from New York, where it is bone chillingly cold and snowing, but always fantastic!

By way of New York Fashion Week, I am here thanks to the exciting invitation to attend the runway show for my favorite fashion house, Khaite.

The cavernous setting of the Park Avenue Armory, darkened save for the enormous circular up-lit catwalk and a singular circular row of spotlights down-lit on the catwalk, and the strong moody music that filled the space, created an ambiance of anticipation and excitement for what was to come. And Khaite founder and designer, Catherine Holstein, certainly did deliver another truly inspiring collection which was so fun to see in the theatrical setting of a runway show.

It was a great evening and such a joy to be invited.

Now jumping right into this year’s first Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. I love scents. Bellocq atelier candles, oud perfume, and garden roses are some of my favorite. In that vein, my husband surprised me with this little jewel for my car…Diptyque’s Car Diffuser with the Baies cartridge to lightly scent my car with Diptyque’s signature fragrance. A little slice of heaven making LA traffic more enjoyable.

2. If there ever was a contemporary lady-like bag, then it is Catherine Holstein’s Cate Bag. Elegant and refined. It is an investment but because it is the ultimate in classic design, it is timeless, and therefore a forever piece. What I love is that it’s remarkably strong yet feminine, standing on its own feet, shining a cheeky smile at the usual suspects of “It” bags.

3. The Goodman sofa by Minotti is set to anchor our future family room. I love that it is a comfortable and inviting sectional but also keeps its smart looking shape after one gets up. No frumpy cushions here to keep fluffing.

Until next time, I hope you take in some simple or extravagant pleasures. The creative brilliance the human spirit brings to life is so inspiring.

xoxo, Francesca

For a few years, Miami Beach became our go-to spot for the Christmas and New Year holidays. It’s where we were when we won the bidding war for our new home. It’s where our latest furry addition, Sir Winston, came to us from. And it’s where the seed of sharing my writing publicly was first planted in my mind.

The cocoon of Miami heat, with its thin veil of winter humidity and rhythmic sound of the ocean waves, is what drew me to our terrace each morning. I would sip my decaf Americano and catch up on emails. The turquoise blue of the Atlantic, stretching miles toward the horizon, lulled me into a contemplative state.

Privacy. Privacy to dream forward and reflect back. To just be.

It is in this place, and in this state of openness, that I read an email from , co-founder of Substack, about an online space for writers to create and connect. A place to share and to build community.

A week later, back home from our New Years trip to Miami, my son, husband, and I watched the Baz Luhrmann movie, Elvis, starring Austin Butler and Tom Hanks. Elvis’ personal story is not one I was familiar with. His music, fame, early death, yes. But not the story behind how and why his life and death unfolded as it did. It left me feeling such an ache. An ache I was already feeling from the loss of my good friend, Lori, a few months prior.

Her death hit me hard for many reasons, especially that she was being forced by cancer to leave her two young-ish sons. I couldn’t shake the sorrow of her adolescent boys not having her love, protection, and guidance as they made their way through life. I couldn’t help but put myself in her place. Just a slight of life’s chance.

These aches for beloved lives cut short, and those left behind in their absence, compelled me to pen a letter to my children. In that moment. For writing is always what I do when life hits me hard. A letter that I intended to be the first of many, just in case. A letter that became my first published piece here.

But this was the rub…

Sitting at my desk, about to hit publish into the digital landscape, what do I write for the byline?

I purposefully have had zero online presence. None. I am not, nor ever have been on social media. I do not believe the good outweighs the bad. I believe that so much of the ills of our current culture have been magnified by the imbalance of time spent performatively online and the importance people place on consuming digital inputs versus living and connecting in real life. I believe — and the science reflects this — that social media drives divisiveness, disconnection, cruelty, the epidemic of loneliness, and duplicitousness (fake news, phoniness, and even fake likenesses in the way of deepfakes). Not to mention, it is a total time suck.

Yet that night, in the wake of my dear friend passing, after watching the depiction of the life of a talented young musician unravel, and following the visceral need to memorialize an enduring message to my children, my online presence was born. Albeit, with a pseudonym.

Over time, however, this space has evolved beyond only encompassing life missives for my children. My intention has grown to also help forge a bit of space in your week to pause and reflect on what truly matters most to you in your life. To both widen your perspective, while focusing it, too, by providing insights into what science and experts have found to help us flourish in our lives and relationships.

In light of yours and my relationship deepening, at least for me, using a pseudonym now feels like an inauthentic barrier.

I’ve struggled with this dynamic tension before, having for a brief time used my real name and then retreating back to the comfort of anonymity.

Brian Johnson, philosopher and founder of Heroic shares this…

“Let’s say you’ve decided to embark on a heroic quest. It’s time for you to leave the normal, routine life and really go for it - stretching yourself to dare greatly and do what you’re here to do. (GOOD DECISION!!!) Now, every good hero’s journey has some pretty epic dragon-battle scenes … When you encounter the inevitable dragons on that adventure of yours, know this: Those intense feelings of ‘OMG!!! What have I done to my life?!’ and that desire to run away from it all and run right back to the comfort of your old life are NORMAL!!”

Phil Stutz, brilliant psychotherapist and author of The Tools, builds on this wisdom by pointing out that those moments of terror are what he calls “reverse indicators.” Reverse indicators are signs that we are right where we need to be to grow: outside of our comfort zone, which by definition, is uncomfortable.

Using my real name perhaps most certainly is a step in my own growth. A step towards more vulnerability, ownership, and even self-acceptance.

With love and trust, your friend,

Francesca Fartaj

The refrain “Happy New Year!” doesn’t roll off the tongue as it has in years past.

The Los Angeles Fires that ushered in 2025 here in my town have weighed heavily on all of us Angelenos. I don’t know one local who has not been shaken to their core with disbelief and sorrow by this catastrophe.

Many were forced to evacuate with little, to no time to grab, let alone pack anything. Others of us held our breath watching our fire apps to see if we were next. Upon my family getting the “Ready, Set” evacuation order, we made haste to pack our most cherished and important bits of our lives as the glow of fire began to summit the mountain ridge a few miles from our home.

And for those of us whose homes have ultimately been spared, I think all of us Angelenos personally know someone who has lost their home and/or their business. Close personal friends, friends of friends, immediate family, family of friends. It is one to two degrees of separation, not six.

And the impact is wide and enduring. Entire communities are obliterated that will take years and years to rebuild. Schools, recreational centers, churches — the hubs of neighborhoods — are gone. Literally gone. No power, no clean water, and invisible toxic air emanating with new fires continuing to ignite.

While certain community centers are gone, our fellowship is not. It is especially in these times that our presence for those most impacted is felt, assuring them that they are not alone. Meal trains. Places to stay. Words of encouragement. Donations. Relevant expertise and time given freely to sort through next and future steps of rebuilding.

And…

Our thoughts woven into the story we tell ourselves determine how we experience life unfolding, including tragedy.

This isn't about being Pollyanna-ish or dismissing the real struggle and heartache present. Rather, it is bringing consciousness and intention to how we are moving through our current reality.

In processing the loss of their own home, Lakers coach, JJ Redick, and his wife, Chelsea, reminded their two young sons who had amassed an irreplaceable collection of sports memorabilia, all of which was now in ashes, to “value people over things.”

This simple statement is a critical step in helping all of us begin the process of healing. “We value people over things.”

In order to overcome trauma, as renown psychiatrist Daniel Siegel tells us, we must integrate our experience with a cohesive narrative that makes sense. Reframing what happened from something overwhelming to something manageable and meaningful. “We value people over things.”

When we do this, we help establish emotional regulation, self awareness, and resilience. We heal.

So in times that feel insurmountably heavy, we put in practice safe guards. Can we catch ourself in the darkness, witness ourself, and create a little space to offer a hopeful message to ourself? Can we expand our thoughts to include the affirmation, the intention “and we will be ok.”

Sending love,

With Thanksgiving landing so late in the U.S. this year, I find that here, we are all still scrambling to get ready for the gift giving holidays.

My favorite gift is, and probably always will be, a hand written letter on beautiful stationery sharing why the recipient means so much to me and how grateful I am to share our journey together in whatever capacity that is.

I also, however, enjoy the challenge of finding a gift that hopefully, if done well, my recipient will feel seen and known, and that also represents my taste in some small way.

I often hear and have personally experienced, that the men in our lives are the hardest to shop for. While we know so much about them, truly hitting the mark on what will light them up can be elusive.

So I focused my attention on doing the digging and research for us, compiling this Special Edition Gift Guide for the men in our lives.

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I highly suggest using these ideas as inspiration not necessarily the final gift(s) you end up purchasing.

For example, the man who is active and on-the-go could really love a stylish, versatile jacket that can go from the office to the national park camp ground. (Yes I found that jacket!) But you may not prefer the color or exact piece I personally selected. So use it as a starting point to narrow down the specifics that your gift recipient will love.

To that end, I will include the links for each item but not a huge write up. Many of the items I’ve included are pieces that I’ve personally gifted and the men in my life have loved and use to this day. But I am also including finds that I am intrigued by but do not yet have personal experience with along with a handful that I am buying this year to place under the tree or in the stocking for the men in my life.

Happy hunting! And don’t wait! We’ve got two weeks till Christmas. I am running now to wrap up my last minute shopping, too.

Sending love!

WRW

P.S. Please note, nothing is sponsored. I do not receive anything at all by sharing these picks with you. And I always suggest shopping around to find the best price, shipping speed, and availability.

All gift inspos are clockwise from top left…

Onewheel Pint: $750, My son loves his Pint and continues to grow into his use of it. Helmet is a must.

Barbour Ashby Waxed Jacket: $398, This jacket looks great over a suit jacket while also performing well in the elements and everywhere in between. I love this jacket. And it is very on trend right now as the Barn Jacket circles back, yet it is as classic and timeless as it gets.

California Climbing School: $300 for 4 hours of private guiding for 1 climber or $175 each for 2 climbers in Joshua Tree (rates continue to decrease based on number of climbers), “Joshua Tree is famous among climbers from all around the world. It is considered a “must go” area for any serious climber, and in contrast, it is the perfect place for beginners to learn as well.” I think this is such a cool and unique experience to give.

Go Pro Hero: $180, Nothing new here, but if your adventurer does not have one, then this will tickle their fancy. My son will use his this winter snowboarding. I’m sure I will steal a try, too.

Anker Nebula Mars 3: $800, With good audio and picture quality as well as a rugged design, this is an excellent choice for an indoor/outdoor streaming projector. Fantastic for a movie in the park, the backyard, and the campsite as well as inside the living room for that big picture feel.

BigBlue Sun Power Charger: $70, Gotta have a solid outdoor power source when an outlet is needed but nowhere in sight. This speedy solar charger powers up to three devices at once and it converts sunlight into energy even in less ideal, cloudy conditions, which we like for our cloud covered beach surfing adventures.

The Spice House Best Sellers Deluxe Collection: $78, I buy all of our spices from The Spice House because their quality, origins, and freshness are unparralled. What they bring to any dish is well worth it. This collection is a great place to start or explore their website to find the flavors and ingredients that support your man’s favorite dishes. Of course, The Spice House has a brilliant Barbecue Deluxe Collection, too, for the grill master.

Bo Jin Silver Wakasa Chopsticks: $46, Hand carved in Japan, Wakasa style are perhaps the best high quality chopsticks in the world. This particular pair of wood chopsticks completely handmade and are silver leafed with a base of Jabon wood. For our sushi lover, these will elevate the “sushi and movie night at home” experience to a whole new level.

Craft Jerky Co: $20 - $59, The #1 beef jerky of the month club of small-batch artisan craft jerky from producers across the country. Subscription box options include Hot & Spicy, Booze Infused, Keto-Friendly, Gluten Free, and Paleo. Fantastic artisan snack to keep handy in his car, bag, or office desk drawer.

TINANA Crystal Clear Ice Ball Maker: $40, My son loves to make mocktails for our guests and family. He will love this highly rated ice mold that makes large, clear, glossy spheres to complement his mixology skills.

Le Creuset Alpine Outdoor Skillet: $160, Crafted in France from enameled cast iron and specifically designed for cooking over an open flame, this skillet is ideal for cooking culinary yummies normally relegated to the kitchen. Think seared fish, fried eggs, toasted sandwiches, new potatoes, pancakes and the list goes on.

GE Profile Smart Indoor Pellet Smoker: $599, Short on outdoor space or want to more easily enjoy smoked salmon, ribs, or brisket without stepping foot outside, this first of its kind innovative smoker is calling.

Wolf Heritage Double Winder: $448, Clean lines and contemporary looks melded with Wolf’s 185 years of great functionality.

Fratello x Bergeon Mini Tool: $44, The Bergeon Tool company is the oldest surviving watchmaking tool company, providing the best equipment for over 200 years. This is a versatile multi use tool with a spring bar tool, flat-head screwdriver, phillips screwdriver, and small push-pin.

Buben & Zorweg Traveller 2 Watch Case: $470, Carry your watch(es) safely while on the go. I love that this watch case is designed more linear and less round so that it is more packable. It is available as a single watch case, too.

The Impossible Collection of Watches: The 100 Most Important Timepieces of the Twentieth Century by Nicholas Foulkes: $1,200, British historian and journalist Foulkes has selected the 100 breakthrough timepieces developed since the advent of the twentieth century, weighing the virtues of rarity, costliness, innovative functions, historical importance, grand provenance and pleasing design. This homage will delight any and all serious watch enthusiasts.

Wrist Clean Enthusiast Plus Watch Care Kit: $28, The watch cleaning kit the most discerning collectors swear by.

A Man and his Watch by Matt Hranek: $45, Perhaps no book in recent memory has explored the deep and unbreakable bond between watch owners and their most beloved timepieces quite as compellingly as this book. The tales range from the historic to the intimate, from the Omega that JFK wore to his inauguration, to the Rolex that Sir Edmund Hilary wore on Everest, to the watch that Ralph Lauren purchased from Andy Warhol’s private collection.

Made To Order Personalized Song: $100 - $250, Collaborate with singer/songwriter David Morgan to create a one minute or three minute song performed in the gift receiver’s favorite musical style. You provide the personalized details and anecdotes and David creates the rest for you to review and edit before the finished piece is recorded and sent to you as an MP3.

Waterman Carene Fountain Pen: $234, If you want to surprise one of your loved ones with a fountain pen with an 18K nib for Christmas but don’t want to break the bank, look no further. The Waterman Carène is a classic but somewhat peculiar fountain pen. It is an average pen in size and weight, but its iconic silhouette, inspired by the design of luxury boats, is charismatic.

Aura Frame: $199, Experience the most elegant way to share your favorite photos from phone to frame. Ours lives on our kitchen counter where we are greeted with an endless rotation of delightful, tender, joyous, riotous, and even wistful memories. This is one of my favorite things to give.

First Edition, Fast Times at Ridgemont High: A True Story by Cameron Crowe: $950, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1981. “The author, employed by Rolling Stone magazine, posed as a student and enrolled in high school at age 21. His experiences were the basis for Rolling Stones articles as well as this comedic, coming-of-age novel, from which the 1982 film was adapted. Now a cult classic, the movie had an all-star cast, including: Jenifer Jason Leigh, Brian Backer, Phoebe Cates, Robert Romanus, Sean Penn, Judge Reinhold, Nicolas Cage and Forest Whitaker, among others.” A first edition is always a beautiful and thoughtful gift when you tap into the recipient’s interests or nostalgic time periods.

DIY Custom Recipe Box: $Priceless, As the story goes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I have already started making a recipe box to memorialize the Persian recipes my mother-in-law taught me a hundred years ago, along with recipes my hubby and children love. This will be a wonderful gift for my son one day when he launches and has his own apartment and wants to wow the woman who steals his heart by cooking her dinner.

A Box of Love by Em & Friends: $16, “Let your person know all the ways you love them with this box of 8 fill-in-the-blank letters, personalized by you to create a one-of-a-kind gift they’ll treasure. Each letter is designed to be opened at a specific time, ensuring your heartfelt message is read at just the right moment.”

The Lyrics: 1956 to the Present (Two-Volume Set): $100, “With images from McCartney’s personal archives—handwritten texts, paintings, and photographs, hundreds previously unseen—The Lyrics, spanning sixty-four years, becomes the definitive literary and visual record of one of the greatest songwriters of all time.”

Victrola Stream Sapphire Turntable: $1,300, Flagship Victrola streaming turntable with unrivaled connectivity to most network audio devices.

Maison Margiela Replica Jazz Club Candle: $70, Its warm and smoky scent recalls the refine and cozy atmosphere of an evening at a jazz club. Yes please.

Artiphon Orba Portable Synth: $80, A great gift for the young musician or any on-the-go producer. “Eight sensing pads can switch between percussion, bass, chords, and lead. Move it around for different effects and you can create an entire song in the palm of your hand. Then link it via Bluetooth or USB-C to a preferred music-making app.”

Custom Vinyl Record: $99, I am obsessed with this gift as I love the personalization of it all for the recording artist musician(s) in my life.

Che Guitar Strap by Colleen Cordero: $385, Handmade leather guitar straps in different designs with some detailed in solid nickel or brass signature art, all in limited quantities. This one featured here is dark brown lizard with black art.

Bleu de Chauffe Messenger Bag: $390, “Made at the brand's workshop in France, it's crafted from smooth green suede with brown leather buckle fastenings and a durable canvas strap.”

Tom Ford Knitted Silk Tie: $280, Gorgeous, classic, and refined. In a slim width, conjuring the Kennedys, it’s knitted silk drapes and knots handsomely.

William Lockie Ribbed Cashmere-Blend Socks: $42, A treat for the feet! “William Lockie is one of the oldest family-run luxury knitwear brands and it’s a specialist in natural fibers like cashmere.”

William Lockie Ribbed Cashmere Beanie: $80, A classic staple that will stand the test of time. Not to mention how yummy soft and lux it is thanks to the pure water of the River Teviot William Lockie uses to wash its Mongolian cashmere. Depending on his mood, this beanie can be worn slouchy or he can roll the edge to create a cuff and snug fit.

Eye of the Idol Gold Multi-Stone Beaded Bracelet: $498, Luis Morias handmade bracelet with a marquise-cut amethyst stone as the ‘Eye of the Idol’ symbolizing balance and peace.

Saint Laurent Cardholder: $300, I love that this cardholder fits in any pocket without any bulk and without creating a lasting imprint of their wallet on their pant pocket. And every man, imo, needs an “adult” wallet. No velcro please. It’s made from upcycled cross-grain leather that's stamped with a gold logo on the front slip pocket. Slim, neat, and tidy.

Hatch Restore 2: $170, Part sound machine, part alarm clock, helps your guy sleep with soothing tracks and sounds and “offers a more natural way to wake up with a dimmable alarm clock design that wakes you using a calming combination of light and sound.”

Bambu Lab X1C 3D Printer: $1,299, 3D Printing Industry Award Winner and Desktop 3D Printer of the Year and top of my son’s birthday, Christmas, Valentines, Easter, 4th of July…you get my point…gift list.

DJI Mavic 3 Pro (DJI RC): $2,199, Obviously a huge splurge! Considered one of the best drones you can buy with a three-camera system consisting of Hasselblad cameras plus 43 minutes of fly time up to 15 kilometers away from his location.

Seestar S50 All-In-One Smart Telescope: $449, The ZWO Seestar is reviewed as a simple to operate automated camera excellent for photographing the Sun, Moon, and other celestial objects and an excellent entryway into amateur astronomy.

Rabbit R1 Pocket Companion: $199, For anyone who's ever wanted a digital TaskRabbit for their growing to-do list, this AI-powered device accesses the web to complete any and all tasks, like ordering food, taking notes, and making purchases, plus it makes calls and takes photos, too.

Invoxia Minitailz: $99, Vet recommended health and GPS tracker for man’s best friend. Awarded at CES 2024 for the best innovation in the AI category. “ Minitailz allows your man to easily monitor his dog’s heart health, position, activity, appetite, behavior, and whereabouts.”

I hope this gift guide for the men (and “boys”) in your life has proven useful and inspirational. I would love to know what you plan to give regardless of if anything spawned from the ideas above. Please share in the comments.

xoxo,

Here at A Life Considered, I show up putting my best foot forward.

Writing for me takes time. A lot of it.

It can, and sometimes does come easy, but most of the time it is a labor. Yes, a labor of love, but a labor no less. I have only once hit publish when I felt rushed and I look back at that piece seeing many needed edits to make it what I believe you deserve and what I am capable of. So behind each finished piece, laid previously bare, a lot of messiness.

For, I am human with a lot of messiness.

At this very moment, my family and I are in a hugely messy, transitional space. The home we purchased this past January, which we anticipated moving into relatively quickly, became a complete remodel with an almost 2 year delivery date; this October my husband and his team launched a new business; and my children continue to move through the tween/teenage years which are the most transitional of childhood.

We are incredibly privileged to be healthy, to have these opportunities, and to have so much love for each other as we chart this new terrain with support and kinship.

Still, I feel as though I am drowning. Rising to so many important and time sensitive responsibilities, yet at a tremendous cost to my peace of mind and healthy routines.

Last night was my breaking point. I had no more to give as I sat crumpled on the floor having failed myself and my children. Extended too far.

The piece I am publishing today was hard to write because it took me back to times past that are painful to revisit. So much healing, growth, and evolution having taken place, yet the internal discomfort I felt remembering, the deep anxious sighs that accompanied these earlier life recollections, illuminating that some stones still have not been turned over and alchemized. Last night’s pain shared between my children and myself when I just lost my capability to be the adult and mother my children needed, also reminded me that we are never exonerated from “doing the work.”

This realization also comes full circle to where my letter to you today began. How writing, editing, and publishing a piece takes me time. For, a very real process unfolds behind every essay — some very personal, others more intellectual, while others more fun. But a journey nonetheless for me.

Lastly, I want to address a very real burden I have been carrying which is that I have also let you down by not upholding my commitment to you to publish each week. I have felt very uneasy about this.

Despite my efforts to fit more into each day by working tirelessly efficient, cutting out personal time, and sleeping less (none of which I recommend for anyone I care about), I find myself with 24 hours each day and the deep blocks of time I need to write have been almost nonexistent.

For this I say to you, I am sorry.

I will do my best to do better.

And for those of you who have so generously supported me as a paid subscriber, it would be my pleasure to do right by you by crediting you a few months free for the time I have not been here consistently. Reply to this email with this request and consider it done.

I am here to share what I know to be true. To that end, I am honored to be in community with you. Writing for you, my children, and myself is one of my greatest pleasures and I believe one of the gifts I have to give in service to my little slice of our world.

Sending you all love! xoxo - WRW

51 YEARS OF BECOMING: A life rewritten through growth.

At 4 I internalized I was unloveable and unwanted when my father abandoned me.

At 9 I realized I was unworthy of time, attention, and interest from my mother and step father.

At 11 I started acting out my pain, fear, and waywardness. Looking to be seen. To be loved. To be good enough to be chosen by my family.

At 13 I was the black sheep of the family. The identified patient. Incorrigible. Bad.

At 15 I understood betrayal when my mother sent me away to live elsewhere, picking her marriage over me, her daughter, so it felt.

At 16 I assumed shame and responsibility for being sexually abused.

At 18 I had fully accepted that I was not good enough and generally unworthy.

At 22 I began “to do the work” embarking on the 20 + year journey of therapy, re-raising myself and alchemizing my childhood trauma. I was committed to making sure my own children, if or when I had them, never experienced or felt what I had.

At 35 I stopped numbing myself with alcohol.

At 37 I read insatiably on personal growth and raising children. Hundreds of books, and counting, to this day.

At 38 I delivered my first child, charting a new path of breaking the chains of the generational trauma and dysfunction passed down through my family for decades.

At 45 I recognized that our greatest gifts are born from our greatest life challenges.

At 47 I found acceptance and peace with the devastating hurt and disappointment I’d harbored from my birth family. “We all do the best we can and sometimes our best just isn’t good enough. Yes, and it’s not personal.”

At 48 I discovered my voice and found my power.

At 49 I started my Substack, A Life Considered, channeling the wisdom I’ve learned into thoughtful insights and reflections on navigating our relationships with others, ourselves, and the world for a more connected, meaningful life.

At 51 my story is not finished. I am writing it every day. I look forward to, and hope that through the wisdom I share at A Life Considered, I can support you in writing yours.

What is your timeline of transformation? Please share it with me, us, or at the very least with yourself. For, we all have come so far, which I think we forget if we don’t take a moment to reflect.

Leading into the Thanksgiving holiday here in the United States, wherever you are in the world, I am so very thankful for your presence in my life.

I first thought I had covid, but after further tests, I learned I have had pneumonia. It is good to be back.

Today in the U.S. is election day. If you have not already, I urge you to go vote. Your voice is important!

xoxo, WRW

THE TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA’S ‘DIVIDE’ THAT SOCIAL MEDIA WON’T TELL US:
What 77% of Americans agree on and why it matters more than politics.

We are our stories. An amalgamation of our life experiences.

Each of us has stories that are beautiful, joyous, and triumphant coupled with others that are bitter, heart wrenching, and evoke feelings of shame or regret.

Our stories shape who we are, how we see the world, and our place in it. The resulting perspectives are meaningful and unique, creating our viewpoints, beliefs, and values. Our background tinting the lens through which we interpret, feel, and engage. Giving birth to what makes us tick, including our biases.

Together our histories are the collective threads that make this American quilt known as the United States.

The 2024 U.S. Presidential election underway at this very moment, is one of those intense communal events shaping America, of which we each have our own unique vantage point of what is important and what is at stake.

Uncertainty, sometimes, is painfully hard for me. Other times, it’s not at all, and I flow with it easily. Right now, I feel within and around me, a collective vibration. An energy permeating. A low level, yet frenetic simmer. I’m hoping we don’t boil over.

I remind myself that everything is always happening for our best. This I believe. Even the discomfort, the set backs, and disappointments are for our greatest outcome. I breathe. Forcing myself to tap into a long, slow, deep, recalibrating breath. We will be fine great. We are exactly where we need to be. Today is a great day. I can. I will.

In the #1 international bestselling book Sapiens, Yuval Noah Harari invokes us to critically reflect…

“So why study history? Unlike physics or economics, history is not a means for making accurate predictions. We study history not to know the future but to widen our horizons, to understand that our present situation is neither natural nor inevitable, and that we consequently have many more possibilities before us than we imagine.”

We study history to expand our consciousness and understanding, thereby enabling us to recognize that we have more possibilities than we could ever imagine.

We are not bound by the past. And the future is unknowable, awaiting to see the endless ways we may rise to meet the road ahead of us.

Last week the remaining results of the New York Times/Siena College nationwide poll of likely voters was released. Answers to three questions in the late October poll jumped out to me and genuinely made me feel hopeful.

First, when voters were asked whether they thought of Donald Trump and Kamala Harris supporters as “fellow Americans who you disagree with politically” or “the enemy.”  Among all respondents — both Harris and Trump supporters — 77% said they view these supporters as their fellow Americans verses 16% who said they were the enemy.

Specifically, 78% of Harris supporters described Trump supporters as fellow Americans, while 17% saw them as enemies. Similarly, 84% of Trump supporters considered Harris supporters as fellow Americans, compared to 12% who did not.

Reading this reassured me in our shared common humanity and unity as Americans over Party. I am leaning into this.

For the research shows that the “divide” is more a narrative construct the mainstream media, social media, and the candidates themselves would have us believe when the real truth is something quite entirely different.

Which leads me into the next two questions I found perversely reassuring, too.

Likely voters were also asked whether they considered a range of subjects, including Social Media and Mainstream Media, to be “good, bad, or neither good nor bad for democracy.”

Specifically, voters were asked if they viewed Social Media as good, bad, or neither good nor bad for democracy, of which 51% of respondents found the platforms to be bad for democracy. When asked how they viewed Mainstream Media, 55% of respondents responded that Mainstream Media is bad for democracy.

Over 50% of the polled voters, representing a subset of the greater population, see social media sites and the major news networks as nefarious and not trustworthy.

I find these statistics extremely hopeful for they show that more people than not understand that these sources need to be engaged with skeptically, with eyes wide open, and their critical thinking caps on.

People are waking up.

In the early days of building Facebook, Founder Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker, Facebook’s first President, strategically employed psychological hacks to exploit a vulnerability in the human mind. As Parker recalled at a media conference years later, he and Zuck learned that they needed to give us a little dopamine hit in order to get us to contribute more content and engage more with the platform and others on it.

The name of the game was, and still is, to increase user engagement via the “social-validation feedback loop.”

In his book The Chaos Machine, Max Fisher, former international reporter for the New York Times where he contributed to a series about social media that was a finalist for the 2019 Pulitzer Prize, writes

“The early conventional wisdom, that social media promotes sensationalism and outrage, while accurate, turned out to drastically understate things. An every-growing pool of evidence, gathered by dozens of academics, reporters, whistleblowers, and concerned citizens, suggests that its impact is far more profound. This technology exerts such a powerful pull on our psychology and our identity, and is so persuasive in our lives, that it changes how we think, behave, and relate to one another. The effect, multiplied across billions of users, has been to change society itself.”

Social media technology manipulates the parts of our brain susceptible to being hijacked, such as our attention, and employs tactics to create addictive behavior.

Much like the electronic cigarette companies use the exact same playbook as Big Tobacco to get people hooked. So, too, does Big Tech use parallel plays to get us addicted to living on their social media platforms as casinos use to get people addicted to gambling. Yet, how many of us would choose to hang out in a casino off an on all day, every day, let alone let our kids gamble against the stacked House for hours each day?

Further research and development found that dialing into morality — and specifically outrage — is a pivotal lever that drives social media engagement.

“Popular culture often portrays morality as emerging from our most high-minded selves,” says Fisher. The angel sitting on our shoulder whispering into our ear.

However, sentimentalism, supported by neurological research, says our morality is motivated by conformity and reputation management. When faced with a moral dilemma, before our conscious, reasoning mind has a chance to step in, our emotions have already decided our perspective and response.

The fact that our feelings are first in control, not our rational mind, means that our emotions are freely open to be manipulated by propaganda, extremist, agendas, and bad actors, simply by “rallying people to their side by triggering outrage — often at some scapegoat or imagined wrongdoer.”

Hello cancel culture!

Infractions are met with moral outrage, a highly combustable combination of anger plus disgust. And moral outrage equals more engagement. Which is exactly what social media platforms eschew to our feeds via their algorithms — fringe, extreme, emotionally triggering content.

Betsy Levy Paluck, Princeton professor and winner of the MacArthur Foundation ‘genius grant,’ conducted research that found ‘social referents’, those who drive the most engagement are purposefully, disproportionally, and artificially put in front of us on our social media feeds regardless of the value, thoughtfulness, or truth of what they have to say. These ‘superposters,’ at best, heavily influence, at worst, control our culture by being the loudest, most vitriolic, moral outrage creators, manipulating the emotions and thus moral decisions of billions.

Jonathan Haidt shares this insight in his book The Righteous Mind.

“Morality binds and blinds. It binds us to the ideological teams that fight each other as though the fate of the world depended on our side winning each battle. It blinds us to the fact that each team is composed of good people who have something important to say.”

His wisdom succinctly sums up the U.S. Presidential election on social media. The platforms are hijacking our minds to “bind and blind” us to representations that are sensationalized and polarizing.

And yet, I absolutely find so much hope in the end of that last line. “… each team is composed of good people who have something important to say.”

We have a choice in how we move forward regardless of what happens when the ballots are tallied. When so many of us are feeling uncertain, not only of what the outcome will mean for each of us independently, but also collectively as Americans, as a country, as a democracy, we need to remember that we have agency in how we show up and move forward.

Perhaps our agency begins with taking Max Fisher’s advice:

“Cut the cord. Free yourself. Set new norms that treat these technologies as what they are: poison. The new cigarettes.”

Lastly, according to author Jim Rohn, we “are the average of the five people [we] spend the most time with.” That is to say, the five people who have the greatest influence on us, profoundly shape who we are. Let us pick very carefully who we give our attention to, online and off, and who we take our moral cues from.

And let’s remember that we are more united than divided when we get out of the algorithmic rabbit hole.

Have a great day. Sending you and yours my love!

I hope you are well.

My daughter and I, unfortunately, got sick on our trip to New York. She is towards the end of it, however, I am still in the thick of it.

I hope to be back here next week, once my brain and lungs clear and my energy picks up.

Until then, I am sending you my best!

xoxo ~ WRW

Jumping right into this week’s Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. I received an opportunity to try out Goop Beauty’s 3x Retinol a minute before it was available to all. One thing I love about Goop’s skincare products is that GP is really committed to not only using ingredients that are clean but that also really produce a positive and noticeable anti-aging difference. For these reasons, I swear by a few of them that have done wonders for my skin. And so far I am really impressed with how my skin is responding to this 3x Retinol serum! Many retinols I have tried in the past, like Vitamin C, have been too irritating. Not this one.

2. The Tassel Sconce by London based Apparatus is edited and refined in its design. Subtle yet powerful beauty in brass and glass, this may find a place in our future music room.

3. I have three books, that just hit shelves last week, that I am thrilled to read. Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use to Win by Jessica Valenti is critical reading as far as I am concerned. You can also find so much more on this topic on Jessica‘s excellent Substack

   Abortion, Every Day. Revenge of the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell is the long awaited sequel to his best selling book The Tipping Point. And How to Live an Extraordinary Life by , a collection of 63 letters he wrote to his children on living a good life, is an excellent book of which I have already finished and highly recommend regardless of whether you have children. The insights are succinct, truly wise, and valuable for us all to consider in architecting our own life. I have shared so many of his lessons with my children and I feel certain Anthony’s insights will continue to influenced my thinking and actions. I hope you will pick up a copy!

CREATING A VIBRANT LIFE: The magic and importance of personal expression.

My daughter and I have carved out the ritual of taking a weeklong mother-daughter trip, twice each year. So far we have chosen to go to Manhattan the last few times and are in NYC for another weeklong excursion right now. We plan to visit The Morgan Library, take a jaunt to the Hamptons to visit dear friends, enjoy the beautiful autumn foliage, see Suffs, the Tony Award winning Broadway musical about the women of the suffragist movement, and walk the streets popping into book stores, visiting playgrounds, and searching for new treasures.

We love the life of the city and all the exciting sights, tastes, and adventures it has to offer, as seen below in snaps from our spring trip earlier this year.

One of the absolute highlights of our last visit this past May was a trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But not just any ol’ trip to the museum. Rather…My daughter and I had the rare and special opportunity to have a private tour of the historic Met while it was closed to the public. Just the three of us! My daughter, our lovely art historian/Met aficionado, and me. It was insanely bananas. An experience I will honestly treasure forever!

Walking the storied halls of the museum, empty save for us, was an immense honor. Being in solitude with such extraordinary works, allowed me to not only enjoy the importance of what was before us, but to really pause and contemplate the artist behind the artwork. I began searching each piece looking to glean what could have been in the artist’s mind, or perhaps more importantly, in their heart? What life experience and circumstance, longing and fantasy, pain and suffering was this piece born from? What was unique to them, that resulted in this true expression that only they could create? Who are you, the artist, who conceived or channeled this?

I found myself in awe, time and again, at the marvelous wonder and tangible extension of another human. Us and them having all shared so many of the same life experiences regardless of the time period or geographic location. Love and heartache, triumph and despair, life and death. Yet each of our interpretations so specific to our own lens.

My mother is an artist. An acclaimed artist in her specialty within the art world. Her exquisite work has garnered not only appreciation, but also awards, a book deal, and a motion picture credit for her work featured in the Steven Spielberg film, How To Make An American Quilt. Her art has hung on the walls of domestic and international museums. Her father, my grandfather, Dudley Fox, also had beautiful artistic talent. So the love, and perhaps DNA, for artist talent has a bloodline in my family, of which I believe my daughter also has a touch of.

I, on the other hand, never considered myself to have inherited any of these capabilities. Actually, taking it one step further, I determined long ago that in fact, I was not creatively talented. Instead I found that I had a penchant for business. Of logistics, organization, risk tolerance, management, human capital development, and entrepreneurship. Not talented in the arts, whatsoever.

Once I started consistently honing my writing craft, I began to consider that perhaps storytelling is, in fact, a creative art.

There are so many ways that may not be as obvious as painting or sculpting in which we create, express ourselves, and give our gifts. Cooking, interior and architectural design, handwriting, floral arranging, photography, planting a garden, entrepreneurship, table setting, gift wrapping, problem solving. The list is endless and while what we create may not hang on a wall, garner awards, or be displayed in a museum, it is important and valuable that we create.

The significance of what we can create with our art, we may never really know. Yet, the act of creating changes us for the better, and it also has the power to change others and the world. To that end, I believe deeply that we need a creative outlet in order to thrive and fully express what it means to be human and to be living.

For those of us, like me, who have thought we are not creative or don’t have what it takes — whatever that even means — I’d like to share these insights from two highly respected and celebrated creators.

Fred Rogers, in 1979 at the age of 51, and in his 11th year of bringing the wildly successful show, Mr Rogers’ Neighborhood, to the world, he wrote the following in his journal:

Over the course of three decades, Fred Rogers created over 900 episodes of the beloved show. Yet even Fred was not immune to doubt. The antidote, in his own words, being to just “get to it.”

Then there is Peter Drucker, known as the “father of modern management,” who shaped the way organizations, especially in business, approach management, leadership, and decision making. Drucker’s work was so pioneering that when asked to be interviewed by Mihali Csikszentmihalyi for his seminal book, Creativity, Peter responded with this note:

“I am greatly honored and flattered by your kind letter of February 14th—for I have admired you and your work for many years, and I have learned much from it. But, my dear Professor Csikszentmihalyi, I am afraid I have to disappoint you. I could not possibly answer your questions. I am told I am creative—I don't know what that means. ... I just keep on plodding. ...”

I love that these two creators’ gifts to the world covered such very different realms — T.V. and business management — both outside what we often consider “art.” But what they both share in common is the fuel for their creativity being the commitment, discipline, and ultimately the desire to engage in the activity of doing, building, writing, thinking, and expressing their authentic selves.

It is only over the last few years that my husband and I started visiting museums with our children, now that they are a bit older, and they have become more interested and less cranky about the whole thing. Over which time, I’ve come to love roaming the halls, being deeply changed, inspired, and educated by what each artist had the courage to bring to life.

Below I have included a snippet of our photo journal taken with my trusty iPhone. I hope you can feel at least a tiny bit of the magic captured from our private time within the Met.

We visited the museum two days after the Met Gala. This year the annual event celebrated the Costume Institute’s new exhibition “Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion,” in which the theme was “The Garden of Time.”

The interior of the entrance hall of the Met was transformed to create an explosion of florals of which we captured a moment of the team breaking down the event while we were there…

My daughter and I loved spending time with The Little Fourteen-Year-Old Dancer by French artist, Edgar Degas…

Gustav Klimt, Claude Monet, and Auguste Renoir need no introduction…

The Harlem Renaissance Exhibit was incredible. A cultural movement, plus a social and political statement, challenged racist ideologies and aimed to foster a new identity for African Americans. Centered in the Harlem neighborhood of New York City during the 1920s and early ‘30s, the pride, exuberant life, confidence, and depiction of the intellectual and artistic achievements of that time period was palpable…

With half of our family being Persian, the Islamic Art exhibit was a special stop for us…

The Asian Art exhibit was so serene…

And here are a few final photos of “this and that” from our time at the Met…

Until next time, I hope you share your art with the world. We need your authentic expression in all the varied ways that it takes shape.

With love,

Jumping right into this week’s Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. I received an opportunity to try out Goop Beauty’s 3x Retinol a minute before it was available to all. One thing I love about Goop’s skincare products is that GP is really committed to not only using ingredients that are clean but that also really produce a positive and noticeable anti-aging difference. For these reasons, I swear by a few of them that have done wonders for my skin. And so far I am really impressed with how my skin is responding to this 3x Retinol serum! Many retinols I have tried in the past, like Vitamin C, have been too irritating. Not this one.

2. The Tassel Sconce by London based Apparatus is edited and refined in its design. Subtle yet powerful beauty in brass and glass, this may find a place in our future music room.

3. I have three books, that just hit shelves last week, that I am thrilled to read. Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use to Win by Jessica Valenti is critical reading as far as I am concerned. You can also find so much more on this topic by Jessica on her excellent Substack . Revenge of the Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell is the long awaited sequel to his best selling book The Tipping Point. And How to Live an Extraordinary Life by , a collection of 63 letters he wrote to his children on living a good life, is a valuable book of which I have already finished and highly recommend regardless of whether you have children. The insights are succinct, truly wise, and worthwhile for us all to consider in architecting our own life. I have shared so many of his lessons with my children and I feel certain Anthony’s insights will continue to influenced my thinking and actions. I hope you will pick up a copy!

Until next time!

xoxo, WRW

I had an all together different piece set to publish today. But after last night learning about the trial in France seeking justice for Gisele Pelicot, on top of the years of abuse and assault Sean Combs reigned on countless victims, I had to address the horrific circumstances women continue to face in their daily lives.

Today my heart is heavy. Very heavy. To that end, I will not include my Little Black Book. All things considered, it feels very trivial.

Sending you love and courage to stand up and influence change. Change that is of great consequence.

xoxo - WRW

My Dearest Son,

There are certain horrors too horrible to articulate. I don’t want to traumatize you nor paint the world as a bad place.

Yet how do I teach you what is at stake? How do I make certain you understand what has happened — what is still happening — so that you can be a part of the critically imperative change?

I realize that my insomnia tonight is caused from my own nervous system hurting, as if I myself have endured a sliver of the monstrous depravity Dominique Pelicot and Sean Combs, coupled with their pack of abhorrent animals, inflicted upon Gisele Pelicot and countless victims, respectively.

I viscerally feel horror. Hopelessness and despair that I don’t recall ever before experiencing, now fills me. The absolute dejection is overwhelming, faced with the fact that evil forces, ringleaders, like Dominique Pelicot and Sean Combs, exist. Women, to this day, are unsafe around many men. We are treated in ways that I would rather be dead than have to endure. And our girls, plus us women, most of the time do not know who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. For Gisele, the demonic wolf was her husband of 50 years.

Tonight, my son, I feel scared. I feel scared for your sister, for all girls, for all women, and for all mothers who will not be able to protect themselves or their daughters from being treated worse than these men treat the family dog.

Uncertain how to handle these facts I cling to my toolbox. I lay awake in bed and in my head I make a gratitude list, as an attempt to assuage the sickness aching in my stomach. “I am grateful for the brave women who come forward to shine a light on all that must change. I am grateful for the attorneys by their side. I am grateful for the doctors and therapists that help them find a semblance of healing. I am grateful for…” It doesn’t work.

I think about one of my mentors, Brian, and what he would do or say. “Take action that will catalyze others. Inspire and grow an army.”

And I think of you, my son.

How can I make you understand? How can I fundamentally, profoundly compel you to “my side?” The side of women. The side of humanity. The side of human decency. Because I need you in this fight. I cannot fathom, nor live with myself, if I fail as a mother of a son in this respect. For, if you do not stand with us, if you even slightly comply with toxic misogynistic norms such as laughing off, staying silent, or participating in off handed jokes, derogatory remarks, or inappropriate innuendos, then I have failed to raise you to see women as equal and worthy to be treated with absolute respect and human dignity. I will have failed to teach you that sexual assault and exploitation towards women stem from thinking and seeing us as objects to be slighted, objectified, used, or abused as another sees fit.

The normalization of misogyny is systemic. Because men are almost always the perpetrators, we as a society, including and especially men, must actively work to dismantle victim-blaming, lack of accountability, inadequate education on consent and respect, power imbalances, and toxic masculinity.

To stem the perpetuation of these harmful norms, we must explicitly align our thoughts, values, words, and deeds to those that…

• Teach both men and women about consent, healthy relationships, and the importance and necessity of respect.

• Call out objectifying and degrading depictions of women in media, film, and advertising and use our pocketbooks to cease supporting all such business.

• Address gender inequality by dismantling power structures that allow abuse to occur unchecked.

• Create safe spaces for victims to share their stories and receive help in recovering.

• Strengthen legal frameworks and ensure that systems of justice protect survivors and hold perpetrators responsible.

Look no further than the fact that Dominique Pelicot faces up to only 20 years in prison for systematically drugging his wife, Gisele, rendering her unconscious, so that over 70 men could rape her over the course of several years. Clearly and without question, we as a global and domestic society have a long way to go in valuing the life and experience of a woman.

An assault on a woman is an assault on your sister, me — your mother, and if you are lucky to have a daughter one day, it is an assault on your daughter. It is an assault on our society. It is an assault on human decency and human dignity.

We are all human beings. Not one man would walk this planet if it were not for a woman.

Please, don’t be polite and quiet. Be loud and vocal. Be a leader in changing the omnipotent, omnipresent culture of abuse of women. Lead the charge in demanding that women be treated with the dignity that is our birthright.

Without a doubt, one of my most important and influential roles in this fight is to raise you to not only be different from the men who perpetuate misogyny, abuse, and assault, but to instill in you the compelling need to stand up, model, speak out, advocate, and fight for women to be treated with the utmost dignity and respect. To fight to ensure that women are safe. Safe from sexual violence, drugging, sex trafficking, gang rape, date rape, spousal rape — abuse of all forms.

If I fail in this, then I have failed completely.

Please take this to heart, my love, for you can help change the world.

~ Maman

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I am so happy to be connecting with you today. Last week I had a bit of a publishing snafu here. Accidentally two Little Black Book Micro Editions were emailed out that were not supposed to. Both of them also were locked so that only paid subscribers could access them. Also not supposed to have happened. Once I realized this, I decided not to send out my intended copy so as to not inundate your inbox.

So today you are receiving all that was scheduled to go out last week including the LBB that only my paid subscribers got to see, because it was intended for all, plus the weekly essay. I’m sorry for any confusion that I may have cause…and here goes…last week’s edition of A Life Considered…this week:

Dear Friends,

I hope you’ve had a fantastic week.

My week was special thanks to my very dear friend, Claire, visiting from North Carolina, where we met when I was getting my MBA at Duke. We have known each other for over 20 years, sharing the big and little things that create a deep friendship. When my husband and I got engaged, she threw us an engagement party and as a crazy accomplished stylist, she coiffed the women in my family and me for my wedding day. Old Hollywood glamor. She has been a true friend since the day we met and a loving “auntie” to my children. Some of my favorite things we do when together are the little things, such as congregating around my dining room table to conquer a 1000 piece puzzle or just sitting and talking, listening and sharing advice with each other. She is so smart.

I hope that we all are lucky enough to enjoy the beauty of those rare friendships that span history and that make the great times in life that much more fantastic and the hardships more bearable and less lonely.

Switching gears, I always look forward to gleaning what resonates with you each week based on your likes and comments or lack there of. My last essay, The Leadership Test, seemed to miss the mark. Maybe it was the topic that felt incongruent or …? I would love to know more, so if you feel inclined, please drop me a note in the comment section below, or in said essay’s comment section, on why or what did not work.

Thank you and sending you xoxo!

~ WRW

On to this week’s Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. From a troubled childhood and unfinished high school education following the brutal attacked she suffered by the Pillowcase Rapist when she was 17, Victoria Jackson overcame immeasurable odds to create a cosmetics empire valued at more than half a billion dollars. In one of the greatest American success stories of our times, she shares the shame-filled reality she endured from endless worry, other panic disorders, and rumination and how she overcame it all to create a life rich in courage, connection, and empowered agency. We All Worry, Now What? provides a five-part wellness journey on how to move past self-sabotage and instead embrace freedom.

2. Individually crafted, the Tao Coffee Table by Blackman Cruz is one of a handful of current pieces making the move with us into our new home. Presently, it resides in our living room. It will enjoy a new view and vibe within our future library. I love this table as it provides a strong anchor to some of my favorite treasures including a wise buddha and a radiant amethyst crystal. I also really appreciate how it allows us to see the heirloom silk Persian rug my father-in-law gave us as a wedding gift.

   

3. While in Ojai last weekend, we made a quick detour to the newly opened Godmothers bookstore in Summerland, California. The name Godmothers was inspired by the “fairy godmothers we hopefully all have in our lives.” The women who “cheer us on, celebrate us, light us up, and spark our magic.” Oprah Winfrey, suggested the name to friends, neighbors, and Godmother’s founders, Victoria Jackson and Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, and they loved it. The space creates the perfect home to bring storytellers and experts from around the world to share wisdom, stories, and ideas to help us stretch and grow. I cannot recommend the magic of this place enough. It is a destination worth making a pilgrimage to, imho.

DARKNESS TO LIGHT: The beautiful power of love, faith, and a devoted community.

I have experienced my share of traumatic events in my life thus far. Some out of my control, inflicted upon me, while others were a result of my own mistakes and poor judgment. Most of them occurred before I reached my mid-twenties.

Abandonment by my birth father, sexual assault, and workplace sexual harassment have been some of the worst of it. But my experience is not unique. So many of us, perhaps all of us, have deep wounds we carry to this day that still impact us, in both big and small ways.

Making sense of my story over the years, I considered that aspects of my difficult experience growing up derived and intertwined with the pain and dysfunction unhealed, thus passed down from my parents. The adults in their life having failed them and much of that trauma unprocessed nor alchemized. A difficult place to operate from when contending with the daily demands of making ends meet, the curveballs life throws at us, and raising young children.

As parents, I believe we always want better for our children than what was our own experience. With my daughter’s ongoing distress following sleep-away camp, I am reminded that despite my best efforts I am not able to fully impede trauma from befalling her. This has been a bitter and painful pill for me to swallow. Especially when I see how negatively impacted she has been by what was supposed to be a positive and empowering experience.

We have been drawing on many different healing methods such as therapy, drawing, naming to taming, EMDR, osteopathy, cuddles, reassurance, and homeopathy. Somatic work is on the horizon, and perhaps hypnotherapy, too. Yet the enduring fear, insecurity, and thus instability and lack of safety she felt at camp still haunts her. I have been crushed to watch the dis-ease she has been feeling in her body manifest into nausea, nightmares, and fear of separating from me. Instead of her flourishing with joy and excitement for what the day holds, she feels worried.

My own fear has simultaneously been spiking as my efforts to help her recover continue to fall flat.

And then there was a shift.

A bit of light started peeking from behind the black clouds in what was the dark sky of her day to day.

How? Why? What changed?

My daughter, B, and I dived deep into exploring what would make her feel safe at school, the place that previously I could barely get her to leave because she enjoyed it so much.

We identified which adult my daughter feels most comfortable with at school. The answer: Lindsey. Then we set the intention to meet with Lindsey the next day to read her in on B’s fears and to establish a way forward.

In that meeting Lindsey and B formulated the most loving and thoughtful plan that included a safe person - Lindsey - and a safe space - the Nest - at school. My daughter could check in with Lindsey or retreat to the Nest, the school’s zen room, if, or when, she felt scared or worried.

The plan also included daily check-ins from Lindsey and a secret communication that would not betray my sweet girl’s vulnerabilities in front of her peers.

Lindsey would approach B during her school day and say, “Hi B. Can I show you a book I think you will like?”

And if B is feeling good she would say something along the lines of, “Can I take a look at it later?”

But if she is feeling unsteady and wants to have a moment with Lindsey, B takes Lindsey up on her offer and says, “That would be great, Lindsey. Yes, let’s go take a look at the book.”

This plan, coupled with, and layered upon, all the previous interventions, seems to have been the tipping point in my sweet girl’s journey of turning the corner.

“It takes a village to raise a child,” so the proverb goes. I cannot overstate how profoundly I believe in that time tested wisdom. Our children, and all of us, need the support of our broader community, in order to reach our fullest potential.

Working with my daughter through this process, I remembered a few key pieces of wisdom.

Have faith, knowing that everything is happening for our ultimate best and “this, too, shall pass,” as my mother has told me countless times.

Having our loved ones by our side is the greatest gift. Being a container, holding space, and providing comfort, often is exactly what we need from those we trust, in order for our nervous system to calm and for us to find the internal bandwidth necessary to navigate the road ahead. My sweet daughter has been given this by her village in words and deeds. The warm support, loving presence, and vote of confidence in her resilience. The reflection that she is safe, she is not alone, and she is not this experience but rather this experience is just a moment.

Recognize that life’s setbacks, while painful, are incredibly valuable, for they catapult our growth and develop our super powers. We become grittier, more empathic, creative, and able to be of service. Our broken bits are transmuted, thanks to the lessons and wisdom derived from moving through and beyond the obstacles we endured.

And lastly, don’t rush it. Despite the discomfort we feel in times of fear and uncertainty of what lies in the future, take a beat. Breathe. Meditate. For when we manhandle a situation, trying to exert control and rush the outcome to avoid the pain of the process, often we make rash decisions we regret. In our erroneous thinking that “I can’t handle this anymore” and “it will never get better,” we can make things worse. Instead, we need to remember that the situation is temporary. We will get through it. We are stronger than we think we are.

While my dear daughter’s journey is still unfolding, with some days feeling very light and full of joy, while others are still filled with fear and even dread, I believe she has turned a corner.

Thank you for being a special part of her and my village. It truly makes all the difference!

Warmly,

On to this week’s Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. From a troubled childhood and unfinished high school education following the brutal attacked she suffered by the Pillowcase Rapist when she was 17, Victoria Jackson overcame immeasurable odds to create a cosmetics empire valued at more than half a billion dollars. In one of the greatest American success stories of our times, she shares the shame-filled reality she endured from endless worry, other panic disorders, and rumination and how she overcame it all to create a life rich in courage, connection, and empowered agency. We All Worry, Now What? provides a five-part wellness journey on how to move past self-sabotage and instead embrace freedom.

2. Individually crafted, the Tao Coffee Table by Blackman Cruz is one of a handful of current pieces making the move with us into our new home. Presently, it resides in our living room. It will enjoy a new view and vibe within our future library. I love this table as it provides a strong anchor to some of my favorite treasures including a wise buddha and a radiant amethyst crystal. I also really appreciate how it allows us to see the heirloom silk Persian rug my father-in-law gave us as a wedding gift.

3. While in Ojai last weekend, we made a quick detour to the newly opened Godmothers bookstore in Summerland, California. The name Godmothers was inspired by the fairy godmothers we hopefully all have in our lives. The women who “cheer us on, celebrate us, light us up, and spark our magic.” Friend and neighbor, Oprah Winfrey, suggested the name to Godmother’s founders, Victoria Jackson and Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, and they loved it. The space creates the perfect home to bring storytellers and experts from around the world to share wisdom, stories, and ideas to help us stretch and grow. I cannot recommend the magic of this place enough. It is a destination worth making a pilgrimage to, imho.

Until next week!

xoxo, WRW

1. The BCW Yacht Stool by Blackman Cruz is individually crafted with natural materials of patinated brass and leather. These beauties are slated for the bar in our music room.

2. Mason Pearson Handy Nylon Hairbrush N3 is the newest edition to our trove of Mason Pearson brushes and combs. Finally, we have a brush that effectively and without pain, tames the tangles of my son’s super thick and curly hair. Fantastic find.

3. Goop G Label Sweater Set just dropped. I bought this in fuchsia last year and loved it. Now it’s out in charcoal just in time for the cooler months. I will wear this with boots when it’s cold and pumps during transitional weather between fall and winter.

There you have it. Short and sweet this week.

Until next time, xoxo, WRW

Greetings from Ojai, one of my favorite weekend jaunts out of town with the kids. This weekend we are here celebrating my dear friend’s 50th birthday. Happy Birthday Kara!

For this week’s micro issue of my Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures, let’s dive in.

1. The BCW Yacht Stool by Blackman Cruz is individually crafted with natural materials of patinated brass and leather. These beauties are slated for the bar in our music room.

2. Mason Pearson Handy Nylon Hairbrush N3 is the newest edition to our trove of Mason Pearson brushes and combs. Finally, we have a brush that effectively and without pain, tames the tangles of my son’s super thick and curly hair.

3. Goop G Label Sweater Set just dropped. I bought this in fuchsia last year and loved it. Now it’s out in charcoal just in time for the cooler months.

THE LEADERSHIP TEST: Will our next president pass?

The presidential debate this past Tuesday left a lot to be desired in the way of policy talk. We didn’t learn much about how either potential president would improve the lot of voters, the country, or the country’s standing in the world. A discussion on specific policy plans and results was absent from both candidates.

Historically, one of the primary concerns of voters is the economy. According to the polls, this election is no different. As Anthony Pompliano succinctly put it, “The American economy is in a precarious position.”

He specifies why with these points…

“Inflation currently sits nearly 25% higher than the Fed’s target of 2%. Home affordability is the worst it has been in decades. The national debt is skyrocketing to more than $35 trillion. Over half the country report living paycheck-to-paycheck and tens of millions of Americans don’t have enough savings to cover a $400 emergency payment.”

I do not sleep better kicking the can down the road, for it will be our children and our grandchildren who will inherit these untenable circumstances. Which is why it is critical for our presidential candidates to devise and articulate how they plan to address issues such as balancing our national budget and reducing our national debt. Not to mention several other key concerns affecting our country, such as climate change, gun violence, illegal immigration, international relations and global in/stability, job displacement from rapid advancements in AI, and shortcomings within our educational system.

Despite my criticisms of the candidates, I am happy that we have a woman on the ballot. If Harris wins, I hope a woman holding the most powerful position in our country, and arguably the world, will further women’s equality. I also believe the lens through which women generally look at the world is different than men. Yet these perspectives, strategies, and initiatives have not yet been given an equal seat at the table in this sphere. Perhaps a woman can take us places a man has yet to be able.

To that end, I hope that Harris starts articulating her policy plans to address the very real challenges she would be responsible for leading our country through. We need leadership, not the same old politics. True leadership.

So what is the gold standard of leadership? What constitutes a world class leader?

According to Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, two of the world’s leading researchers on the science of leadership, “If you don’t believe the messenger, you won’t believe the message.” That is to say, earning the trust from those you lead, is the most important quality of effective leadership.

But how do you build trust?

Jim and Barry tell us that you simply need to do what you say you will do. When we honor our word by following through accordingly, we prove that we are worthy of trust. That we are a person of our word. And with that, trust breeds loyalty.

I will never forget the sting of learning this lesson. I was in my very early twenties doing M&A work in San Francisco. It was the late 1990s. I was incredibly lucky to have an amazing mentor, John Harrington, Principal of Treasury at Vanguard, responsible for overseeing treasury and capital markets functions.

He took me under his wing and created opportunities for me to, not only meet giants in business, such as Mickey Drexler and Leslie Wexner, but to have a bit of their time to ask them questions, listen, and learn.

One morning I was speaking with John and I told him that later in the day I would return a book he had loaned me to read. But I didn’t. I thought it wasn’t a big deal to instead return it the next day. And when I did, John very kindly, yet very pointedly told me “Always do what you say you will do. No matter how small or insignificant you may think it is. This is one of the most important tenants in business as it is in life.” I felt embarrassed. I knew he was right. And I have never forgotten that lesson and how he cared enough about me and my future standing with others to call me out on my misjudgment and to teach me how to be better.

A similar yet nuanced paradigm of stellar leadership is being an exemplar of moral character. John Maxwell, in his book Leadershift: The 11 Essential Changes Every Leader Must Embrace, tells us “Moral authority is truly the highest form of leadership influence, and many people recognize it. It comes from possessing good values. It adds value to others. It inspires people. It helps the leader make the right decisions for the right reasons. It makes a life of words and actions that line up. We know when we’re in the presence of someone who has moral authority, and we want to follow them!”

Let’s take a look at what some of the most respected, experienced military leaders in government — whom the next U.S. President will be responsible for leading — believe is required to be an exceptional leader. A leader for whom is worth risking their life and those of their troops.

U.S. Navy SEALs Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, two of the most senior leaders on the ground in the most intense battles of Iraq wrote in their book Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win, that the most important rule is to quit making excuses and instead take extreme ownership.

U.S. military legend Jim Mattis in his book Cal Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead wrote, “A leader’s role is problem solving. If you don’t like problems, stay out of leadership.”

Admiral McRaven tells us “Being a leader is an awesome responsibility. There are days when it can be frightening to know that the weight of the organization rests on your shoulders. But you must also realize that you were chosen to be the leader because you have proven yourself along the way. You have demonstrated that you know the business. You have shown that you can handle the pressures and be decisive. You have exhibited all the qualities necessary to lead.”

And I really love this next bit from McRaven. He goes on to say, “And even if none of the above holds true, now that you are the leader, you are in command. So, take the damn helm and command!”

General Colin Powell in his book It Worked For Me discusses the critical need as a leader to exude calm when in crisis thereby also calming the team so they can operate at their best. He says, “Few people make sound or sustainable decisions in an atmosphere of chaos. The more serious the situation, usually accompanied by a deadline, the more likely everyone will get excited and bounce around like water on a hot skillet. At those times I try to establish a calm zone but retain a sense of urgency. Calmness protects order, ensures that we consider all the possibilities, restores order when it breaks down, and keeps people from shouting over each other.”

Lastly, looking at leadership effectiveness from a different angle, the science of hope shows that engagement is correlated with how inspired one feels. Which means that an effective leader inspires hope — the belief that our future will be better than our present. Specifically, the research shows that 69% of people within an organization will be engaged when we lead from a place of hope versus 1% if we don’t inspire a hopeful outlook. 69% versus basically no engagement whatsoever.

To recap, an exceptional leader…

• Does what they say they will do

• Is an exemplar of moral authority

• Takes extreme ownership in lieu of making excuses or pointing fingers

• Solves problems

• Steps up and leads or in military speak — commands!

• Exudes calm in crisis while also creating a calm zone for the team, and

• Inspires hope

We are all leaders in certain areas of our life. In less than two months, we are voting for the next executive leader of the United States. Here’s to leadership that inspires action, drives progress, and brings out the best in all of us.

Until next time, xoxo,

Below you will find a plethora of resources us Ranchers were given to help continue our journey long after we leave The Ranch. Amazing recommendations for books, movies, podcasts, wellness blogs, recipe resources, smartphone apps, and mindfulness and meditation information. I hope you enjoy.

And if you want to learn even more about my stay at The Ranch, please come join me here.

Until next time!

xoxo, WRW

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