Building History

Dear Circle,

We are naturally highly social beings. We create villages, tribes and circles. We are each other’s sisters and brothers, cheerleaders and helpers. Feeling connected and sharing experiences is an integral part of our existence. We build history with people whom we share different types of relationships including our partners, children, extended family, colleagues, and community members. We build history by traversing the good and the bad, the mundane and the extraordinary with them over time.

There is something very powerful about building history together. Through these shared experiences we feel understood, recognized, and affirmed. We feel connected and like we belong. Our relationships deepen. And we are fortified.

These are the types of bonds that matter most when it comes to living meaningful and happy lives. Results from the study Sources of Meaning: An Investigation of Significant Commitments in Life, as well as end-of-life conversations, indicate that many people count their relationships as the most meaningful part of their lives, even when these relationships are difficult or strained.

The first time I was introduced to the paradigm of “building history” was when my mother reflected on an adversity that my husband and I were in the midst of facing and she said, as to point out a silver lining, “you two are building history together.”

The truth and power of that insight resonated deeply within me.

That the silver lining to experiencing a difficult situation with someone is that we stand to grow stronger and closer together has been a wonderful realisation. A salve.

What I have also found to be true is that not only is building history together a silver lining to “cloudy days” but it is also a type of silver bullet, a simple remedy for a difficult problem.

According to the study Beautiful Friendship: Social Sharing of Emotions Improves Subjective Feelings and Activates the Neural Reward Circuitry, researchers have found that “sharing exposure to emotional stimuli with a friend buffers the impact of negative stimuli and enhances the impact of positive stimuli.” Our negative experiences are lessened and our positive experiences are amplified when life events are shared with another person. The lows are not as low and the highs are even higher.

The influence over our perspective for the better serves as a bit of a silver bullet when facing hardships by providing us some emotional shelter from how bad a storm can impact us just by experiencing it in tandem with another.

All this to say, building history together is this beautiful nexus of both a silver lining and a silver bullet to life’s difficulty. If we can remember these positive affects that we stand to gain as we walk through life with those we most care for, perhaps we can weather whatever storms we may encounter together with more grace. Softening. Leaning in towards each other. Finding some peace. Recognizing that there is a silver lining and an aspect of a silver bullet to the cloudy day. For the science shows us that what we treasure most is in fact the rich histories that we build with dear people in our life, having shared great sorrow and great joy with them plus everything in between.

I look forward to building history with you all in the years to come here at Dudley The Fox.

With love,

Whitney

P.S. Thank you to Annie Spratt for the sweet cover photography.