Common Humanity

We all carry something heavy.

Dear Circle,

We all are carrying a story. A through line. At any given moment — really at every given moment — we are holding something difficult within. If we are lucky it might be just the proverbial paper cut, some self doubt or fleeting anxiety for example. For others of us it is a gaping wound or circumstance that we have not yet been able to extricate, let alone heal. For all of us, as we move through our life encountering different experiences, the stories we carry traverse the spectrum between the small hurts and real trauma.

I teach my children of the powerful shift and gift we can give ourselves and others when we keep this is mind. Everyone whom we encounter has an invisible hurt or wound that we can not see, yet is very real. Including ourselves. So let us bring to ourselves and to each other, an underlying level of compassion and understanding of this human plight we all share. Let the truth of our common humanity intercede us from judging or condemning; incite us to offer more kindness, patience, and understanding; to proffer a smile and a warm greeting in all of our interactions; to treat others how they would like to be treated. And to treat ourselves with the same dignity, compassion, and understanding. The realisation of our common humanity may be the central mechanism of our compassion.

We all are carrying a story. Even those with whom we may not share the same values, opinions, or political agendas, we share the same plight of living our one wild and precious life together on our one wondrous and sacred Mother Earth.

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My head and heart have been contending with an underlying ebb of sadness coupled with questions of how to enact statistically significant change regarding the heartbreaking acts of senseless violence that have made news this week towards our youth.

And I say “our” youth because if this sort of violence can happen to one child it can happen to any of our children. And if you do not have your own children, you are your parents’ child. Our common humanity again ties us as one.

I am overwhelmed and disheartened that I do not possess the answers to these complex societal problems and that I am only one person. Certain that the feeling of hopelessness is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse and knowing that the antidote to despair is hope, I turn to science to control a fraction of the world I can…my knowledge and understanding which drives my actions. How can I alchemise into agency of positive change, my feelings of hopelessness with this country’s culture of guns and the violence that ensues at the expense of our children?

According to the Hope Research Center, “hope is the belief that the future will be better and you have the power to make it so. Hope is based on three main ideas: desirable goals, pathways to goal attainment, and agency (willpower) to pursue those pathways.” 

I also recall the quote that debatably is attributed to Gahndi, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Change must start somewhere and thankfully in this country we have the freedom to speak, to vote, to protest, to lawfully act in pursuit of our goals. A goal I am committed to helping ensure, (hope tenet #1: a goal) is for our children to have the basic human right to be safe from gun violence and arbitrary attacks.

Unlike Vladimir Kara-Murza who on Monday, April 17th, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for criticising his government, I can write my thoughts and share them (hope tenant #2: a pathway) in an effort to bring awareness and ultimately stir action without the fear of being imprisoned.

“I’m in jail for my political views. For speaking out against the war in Ukraine. For many years of struggle against Vladimir Putin’s dictatorship. For facilitating the adoption of personal international sanctions under the Magnitsky Act against human rights violators. Not only do I not repent of any of this, I am proud of it.” ~ Vladimir Kara-Murza’s last remarks in court prior to his sentencing.

Yet how do I get my head around the three insane attacks this past week against kids who did the exact same things I did when I was a kid, and I could see my own kids doing in their youth?

Ralph Yarl, 16 years old, in Missouri rang the wrong doorbell when he went to pick up his younger twin brothers. Instead of being met with the homeowner telling Ralph that he had the wrong address, the man shot Ralph twice including in the head. Not only have I rang the wrong doorbell by accident, but I rang the doorbells of people I didn’t know by myself as a young girl all the time. To sell Girl Scout cookies, to offer up help to earn Girl Scout badges, to collect random odds and ends for scavenger hunts, to drop off welcome baskets for new neighbours, and for some old fashion mischief playing ding dong doorbell ditch with my friends. I was a typical kid with my brain still not fully developed doing typical kid things, both good and honourable, as well as harmless, yet annoying, mischief making.

Kaylin Gillis, 20 years old, was shot and killed in upstate New York, when her boyfriend pulled into the wrong driveway by accident. As a teenage driver and even as a full grown adult, I have also pulled into the wrong driveway by mistake as well as to turn my car around to drive the opposite direction on a small neighbourhood street. As a matter of fact, I just did this last week when driving my children to school and we unexpectedly needed to run back home to grab something forgotten.

Payton Washington, 18 years old, was seriously injured in a shooting in Texas when her friend accidentally mistook another car as her own, realized it was not, and then retreated. While not on many occasions, I too, though, have walked up to the wrong car in a crowded parking lot mistaking the same make, model, and color car as my own, to realize it was not my car when the door handle did not unlock as I tried to pull it open.

I am asking myself how did we get here? We shoot first and ask questions later. Have we always been facing such a brutal crisis of unpredictable personal safety for ourselves and our children? Now that I am older have I just become that much more aware? Is this a gun violence issue, a mental health issue, an issue of societal values, an issue of political greed for reelection at the expense of our children’s lives, or what?

I am asking myself and any one of us who share the same concerns, what can we do to drive the changes we need in order to systemically put an end to these unconscionable acts of violence?

I ruminate on Margaret Mead’s declaration — what I envision as a battle cry:

“Never doubt a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

She reacquaints me with at least one answer within that I know to be true. Change starts with myself in all my roles as a woman, a mother, a writer, an activist, a philanthropist, a voter, a community member, an example, a leader, et al (hope tenet #3: agency/willpower). It seems small. Almost too small. But then I remember I must start somewhere and that who we are and how we move through the world can have a profound ripple effect.

A tsunami starts with a shift of ground plus a wave and can travel more than 620 miles.

I will continue to teach my children to use their voices, their writing, their marching, their music, their art, their example, and their leadership to fight for what they believe in; to fight for others who can not fight for themselves, being up-standers, not bystanders; to advocate for what they need to thrive; to communicate with respect; to not inflict hurt.

I will also continue to remind my children that how a person acts, provides a window into how they are feeling and thinking inside. We have an epedemic of people who are clearly hurting at levels that are profound. Otherwise they would not be hurting others equally so profoundly. And we have a cultural history in this country of not valuing all life equally such as black lives, indigenous lives, trans lives, women’s lives, to name just a few marginalised groups. The ills of mental health, racism, bigotry, and misogyny too often play a roll in these shootings. Tremendous issues at hand for us to make much more progress.

And I will bring forth these ideas to my precious children while also speaking up and doubling down on my efforts towards securing the basic human right of safety in this country from gun violence for all of our children and for all of us.

Hope = goal + pathway + agency/willpower.

We all have a story we are carrying. It’s our common humanity. We are all in this together. Please join me, if you feel inclined, in supporting Sandy Hook Promise and Women Against Gun Violence which are two great organisations supporting gun reform in the United States.

xoxo ~ WRW