Darkness To Light

The beautiful power of love, faith, and a devoted community.

Hello, hello!

I am so happy to be connecting with you today. Last week I had a bit of a publishing snafu here. Accidentally two Little Black Book Micro Editions were emailed out that were not supposed to. Both of them also were locked so that only paid subscribers could access them. Also not supposed to have happened. Once I realized this, I decided not to send out my intended copy so as to not inundate your inbox.

So today you are receiving all that was scheduled to go out last week including the LBB that only my paid subscribers got to see, because it was intended for all, plus the weekly essay. I’m sorry for any confusion that I may have cause…and here goes…last week’s edition of A Life Considered…this week:

Dear Friends,

I hope you’ve had a fantastic week.

My week was special thanks to my very dear friend, Claire, visiting from North Carolina, where we met when I was getting my MBA at Duke. We have known each other for over 20 years, sharing the big and little things that create a deep friendship. When my husband and I got engaged, she threw us an engagement party and as a crazy accomplished stylist, she coiffed the women in my family and me for my wedding day. Old Hollywood glamor. She has been a true friend since the day we met and a loving “auntie” to my children. Some of my favorite things we do when together are the little things, such as congregating around my dining room table to conquer a 1000 piece puzzle or just sitting and talking, listening and sharing advice with each other. She is so smart.

I hope that we all are lucky enough to enjoy the beauty of those rare friendships that span history and that make the great times in life that much more fantastic and the hardships more bearable and less lonely.

Switching gears, I always look forward to gleaning what resonates with you each week based on your likes and comments or lack there of. My last essay, The Leadership Test, seemed to miss the mark. Maybe it was the topic that felt incongruent or …? I would love to know more, so if you feel inclined, please drop me a note in the comment section below, or in said essay’s comment section, on why or what did not work.

Thank you and sending you xoxo!

~ WRW

On to this week’s Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures…

1. From a troubled childhood and unfinished high school education following the brutal attacked she suffered by the Pillowcase Rapist when she was 17, Victoria Jackson overcame immeasurable odds to create a cosmetics empire valued at more than half a billion dollars. In one of the greatest American success stories of our times, she shares the shame-filled reality she endured from endless worry, other panic disorders, and rumination and how she overcame it all to create a life rich in courage, connection, and empowered agency. We All Worry, Now What? provides a five-part wellness journey on how to move past self-sabotage and instead embrace freedom.

2. Individually crafted, the Tao Coffee Table by Blackman Cruz is one of a handful of current pieces making the move with us into our new home. Presently, it resides in our living room. It will enjoy a new view and vibe within our future library. I love this table as it provides a strong anchor to some of my favorite treasures including a wise buddha and a radiant amethyst crystal. I also really appreciate how it allows us to see the heirloom silk Persian rug my father-in-law gave us as a wedding gift.

   

3. While in Ojai last weekend, we made a quick detour to the newly opened Godmothers bookstore in Summerland, California. The name Godmothers was inspired by the “fairy godmothers we hopefully all have in our lives.” The women who “cheer us on, celebrate us, light us up, and spark our magic.” Oprah Winfrey, suggested the name to friends, neighbors, and Godmother’s founders, Victoria Jackson and Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, and they loved it. The space creates the perfect home to bring storytellers and experts from around the world to share wisdom, stories, and ideas to help us stretch and grow. I cannot recommend the magic of this place enough. It is a destination worth making a pilgrimage to, imho.

DARKNESS TO LIGHT: The beautiful power of love, faith, and a devoted community.

I have experienced my share of traumatic events in my life thus far. Some out of my control, inflicted upon me, while others were a result of my own mistakes and poor judgment. Most of them occurred before I reached my mid-twenties.

Abandonment by my birth father, sexual assault, and workplace sexual harassment have been some of the worst of it. But my experience is not unique. So many of us, perhaps all of us, have deep wounds we carry to this day that still impact us, in both big and small ways.

Making sense of my story over the years, I considered that aspects of my difficult experience growing up derived and intertwined with the pain and dysfunction unhealed, thus passed down from my parents. The adults in their life having failed them and much of that trauma unprocessed nor alchemized. A difficult place to operate from when contending with the daily demands of making ends meet, the curveballs life throws at us, and raising young children.

As parents, I believe we always want better for our children than what was our own experience. With my daughter’s ongoing distress following sleep-away camp, I am reminded that despite my best efforts I am not able to fully impede trauma from befalling her. This has been a bitter and painful pill for me to swallow. Especially when I see how negatively impacted she has been by what was supposed to be a positive and empowering experience.

We have been drawing on many different healing methods such as therapy, drawing, naming to taming, EMDR, osteopathy, cuddles, reassurance, and homeopathy. Somatic work is on the horizon, and perhaps hypnotherapy, too. Yet the enduring fear, insecurity, and thus instability and lack of safety she felt at camp still haunts her. I have been crushed to watch the dis-ease she has been feeling in her body manifest into nausea, nightmares, and fear of separating from me. Instead of her flourishing with joy and excitement for what the day holds, she feels worried.

My own fear has simultaneously been spiking as my efforts to help her recover continue to fall flat.

And then there was a shift.

A bit of light started peeking from behind the black clouds in what was the dark sky of her day to day.

How? Why? What changed?

My daughter, B, and I dived deep into exploring what would make her feel safe at school, the place that previously I could barely get her to leave because she enjoyed it so much.

We identified which adult my daughter feels most comfortable with at school. The answer: Lindsey. Then we set the intention to meet with Lindsey the next day to read her in on B’s fears and to establish a way forward.

In that meeting Lindsey and B formulated the most loving and thoughtful plan that included a safe person - Lindsey - and a safe space - the Nest - at school. My daughter could check in with Lindsey or retreat to the Nest, the school’s zen room, if, or when, she felt scared or worried.

The plan also included daily check-ins from Lindsey and a secret communication that would not betray my sweet girl’s vulnerabilities in front of her peers.

Lindsey would approach B during her school day and say, “Hi B. Can I show you a book I think you will like?”

And if B is feeling good she would say something along the lines of, “Can I take a look at it later?”

But if she is feeling unsteady and wants to have a moment with Lindsey, B takes Lindsey up on her offer and says, “That would be great, Lindsey. Yes, let’s go take a look at the book.”

This plan, coupled with, and layered upon, all the previous interventions, seems to have been the tipping point in my sweet girl’s journey of turning the corner.

“It takes a village to raise a child,” so the proverb goes. I cannot overstate how profoundly I believe in that time tested wisdom. Our children, and all of us, need the support of our broader community, in order to reach our fullest potential.

Working with my daughter through this process, I remembered a few key pieces of wisdom.

Have faith, knowing that everything is happening for our ultimate best and “this, too, shall pass,” as my mother has told me countless times.

Having our loved ones by our side is the greatest gift. Being a container, holding space, and providing comfort, often is exactly what we need from those we trust, in order for our nervous system to calm and for us to find the internal bandwidth necessary to navigate the road ahead. My sweet daughter has been given this by her village in words and deeds. The warm support, loving presence, and vote of confidence in her resilience. The reflection that she is safe, she is not alone, and she is not this experience but rather this experience is just a moment.

Recognize that life’s setbacks, while painful, are incredibly valuable, for they catapult our growth and develop our super powers. We become grittier, more empathic, creative, and able to be of service. Our broken bits are transmuted, thanks to the lessons and wisdom derived from moving through and beyond the obstacles we endured.

And lastly, don’t rush it. Despite the discomfort we feel in times of fear and uncertainty of what lies in the future, take a beat. Breathe. Meditate. For when we manhandle a situation, trying to exert control and rush the outcome to avoid the pain of the process, often we make rash decisions we regret. In our erroneous thinking that “I can’t handle this anymore” and “it will never get better,” we can make things worse. Instead, we need to remember that the situation is temporary. We will get through it. We are stronger than we think we are.

While my dear daughter’s journey is still unfolding, with some days feeling very light and full of joy, while others are still filled with fear and even dread, I believe she has turned a corner.

Thank you for being a special part of her and my village. It truly makes all the difference!

Warmly,