Enjoy The Ride

The kid is gonna be alright.

For years my oldest child needed me by his side when out in the world. At birthday parties of fellow friends, my son didn’t feel comfortable to join in on the activities unless I could do them with him. His anxiety and fear to be on his own, away from my side, was too much. Too intense. Not worth it to take the risk. There were many birthday parties that he spent the majority of the time watching his friends have a blast, laughing, climbing, and playing as they made their way through obstacle courses, jumping into ball-pits, and scaling rock walls, until his desire to participate in the fun outweighed the anxiety of doing it without me, at which time he would try his best to join in. Still in fear and with great trepidation. Sometimes he would capture the last few minutes of the activity and sometimes he would miss the opportunity all together.

My son loves soccer. Yet for years the worry of being on the practice field and even more so on the unfamiliar tournament field, distanced from me who was cheering him on from the sidelines, was too much for him. He would constantly, incessantly even, look over to where I was sitting, to make sure that I was still exactly in the same spot he and I agreed I would not move from. His hyper vigilance on me, not surprisingly, meant he missed or fell behind on many plays.

This scenario also played out on the mat of Jiu Jitsu and many, dare I say most, other activities where I couldn’t, literally, be by his side, including seemingly innocuous tasks. I vividly remember my son not being able to quite make it up to a cafe counter to ask for a straw while I sat a few feet away at our table tending to his younger sister, yet keeping an eye on him and giving him encouragement. He just couldn’t do it. It was too scary. Too worrisome. Not worth it.

These are the things we parents and caregivers worry about. Maybe even agonize over. I certainly did. The crosshairs we are caught in. The fear of the unknown that keeps us up at night, wondering what does it mean for our children’s future success and happiness. I laid awake many nights asking myself, “What is going on? Why is this happening? How in the world is my precious child going to get on in this world?”

And then they do.

We all — parents, caregivers, and children alike — have things to sort out. To find ourselves, our voice, our confidence, our way. And with patience, understanding, support, nurturance, and help from those we trust, those who care about us — we can, we will, we do!

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Today, this morning, my 12 year old son hops out of the car, with his younger sister in tow, walks into that same cafe, orders drinks and sandwiches for us all, pays, waits, picks up our items, hops back into the car and says “Ok Mom, let’s go!”

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Enjoy the ride. It’s all part of the process. All of our own, unique process.

Until next time, xoxo!

WRW