It’s A Privilege

Turning the BIG 5-0!

Two days in a row I have been wished happy birthday and both of those times the wisher immediately followed it with “what a privilege”. And both times, the statement caught me and paused me.

Yes, but of course! It is a privilege that I get to be here, experiencing, living, adulting, growing in wisdom and in years. Yet this sentiment is not one I have been greeted with before in the birthday wish exchange. And what an interesting perspective especially coming from two people who are years younger than I am. How acutely aware they both are of the preciousness of being alive despite being so young themselves. The understanding possessed of the immense opportunity life bestows upon us in the face of the finality that we all confront when our journey ends; that our time here is fleeting and the length is unpredictable; that this one, wild, and precious life is in fact a gift, not to be taken for granted, but rather to be taken as granted.

I think of all the notable and noteworthy people who died prior to turning 50. Those we know as icons, like the John Kennedys, father and son, Princess Diana, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Marilyn Monroe, Amelia Earhart, Elvis Presley, and John Lennon to name only a few. And the many whose names will never make the history books but are beloved by those who knew them, like my dear friends Jessica and Laurie.

Because I received the exact same reflection, back to back, yet never before over the past 50 years of birthdays, I am taking notice. What precisely is the universe prompting me to sit up and pay attention to from this particular reminder that it’s a privilege to take another turn around the sun?

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My husband planned a truly special birthday celebration in the form of a dinner party at sunset on the sand of the most beautiful beach I could ever imagine folded within a fantastically memorable trip to Southeast Asia with another family of four who are dear, dear friends.

Leading up to my birthday, I had felt contemplative on the nature and meaning of turning 50. My girlfriends who have already joined the “50s Club” had all shared with me the stories of how amazing it is — the liberation from no longer feeling the need to fulfill the innumerable and unattainable expectations placed upon them by society and themselves, profound confidence and strength in who they are, a joy and lightness coupled with a grounding, a deep knowing, a joie de vivre, and an “I don’t give a f#%! because I am secure in who I am” type of freedom.

Then there is this insight from Maya Angelou to her good friend Oprah Winfrey:

“Babe, the fifties are everything you’ve been meaning to be. It’s everything you thought you might do. This is it. It’s coming in. You’re not even there yet.”

Amen! And when Oprah had the privilege of turning 50 she had this to say:

“All these years I've been taking lessons from life experiences and feeling like I was growing into myself. Finally, I feel grown. More like myself than I've ever been.”

From GP recently…

"As a woman, you turn 50 and maybe we all give ourselves permission to be exactly who we are. And we stop trying to be what other people are expecting us to be, and you kind of exhale into this other thing.” ~ Gyweneth Paltrow

And I couldn’t agree more. I have found this all to be true in this season of turning 50.

What I also unearthed while having joined the 50s Club, is a deep gratitude and appreciation for the people in my life. This is a curated group. Meaning, they are people who we have mutually selected each other, to walk our journeys together, because we share the same values. We not only can be ourselves with each other, but we are understood for who we are, supported, and celebrated as we lift each other up, and we show up for each other when needed especially in the hard moments. This is to say, we make each other’s lives better and help each other to grow into the best, most fulfilled version of ourselves.

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As the evening of my dinner party approached, I felt overwhelmed thinking about my family and friends who would be sharing their time with me that evening in honor of my 50th birthday. Time = Love. How lucky was I!

So as a writer, I wrote. I wrote what flowed from my heart that I wanted them to know. I wrote about how special they each are to me so that I could share my feelings with them that evening at dinner. And this is what I wanted them to take away:

“I don’t believe in accidents. Our two families coming together in the way that we have is purposeful. In my heart it is for all of us to share joy, friendship, and happiness in our relationships with each other, inspire growth within ourselves and one other, and to reflect back each other’s unique and special qualities.

L, your personality is like a hot air balloon. Big, beautifully colorful, and lifts up all those around you with your infectious smile, double thumbs up, and twinkle in your eye. You are a loyal, fun, and true friend with whom I am beyond grateful that M and B have gotten to be such great friends with you! Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.

H, all of the women around this table are warrior goddesses. And some of what makes you a warrior is your perseverance and resilience to face and overcome challenges in your path. And some of what makes you a goddess is the love and warmth that overflows from your heart through your smile, your hugs, and the true and deep beauty that lies within. You are precious and a one of a kind friend. If I may share a bit of wisdom as the elder in this group at 50 years old today, it is to always give yourself the same amount of love and nurturing that you give to those you care for because you are worthy and deserving and more than enough in every single way. All of us women, as nurturers, need to be reminded of this from time to time. Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.

J, I want to thank you for the way in which you gently nurture my children reflecting back to them their worth and value. I also want to tell you how much I admire and respect the whole person you model as not only a strong man but also as a devoted father and husband who loves his family outloud. That you also share your vulnerability by sharing your emotions and by caring deeply, again outloud for all of us around you to witness, is a true gift and strength. Our world would be a completely different and sublime place if more men were like you.  Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me.

K, the way you connect with people and talk to them, seeing and understanding exactly who they are, and meeting them exactly where they are at, is such a gift to be on the receiving end of. All of my family are incredibly lucky to be seen - truly seen - by you. There are so many things I want to say but for tonight, I am personally in awe of your groundedness, and the sense of presence and knowing you possess as you move through this world. You are a triple threat as a mother, wife and professional - graceful, authentic and a bad ass in all the best ways. I am so grateful for your friendship and specifically that it feels safe, supportive, uplifting, and true. None of the bullshit. Thank you, from my heart, for celebrating my birthday with me.

M & B, you are love and loved. With your birth you introduced me to the true meaning and purpose of my life. As I birthed you, you birthed me. I am so grateful we picked each other to walk this journey. May you always feel deeply my unconditional love for you. Thank you, my dear, dear loves, for celebrating my birthday with me!

V azizam, my life truly began the day I met you after Latifeh’s class. You showed me what love is as you bathed me in your smile, attentiveness and unconditional support. You studied me, showed fierce belief in me and have always stood by me. You are a good, good man and that sounds simplistic but it is not. Your heart is overflowing. You live with integrity. And I am beyond lucky to be your wife.  We have created a life and family that I could only dream of and it started and grew from the beauty you have in you and that you saw and uncovered in me. I love you deeply and I look forward with honor and prayers to be celebrating my 100th birthday with you in another 50 years.  Thank you for making this amazing birthday happen for me.”

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In addition to the gift of being in the company of these special people, savoring delicious food while listening to a harpist (yes, a lovely musician playing the harp) on our own slice of private oceanfront heaven, and being indulged by my friends and family listening to me share how grateful I am they are in my orbit, I was also given the gift of each person sharing a few words that describe how they see me. Short and so very sweet.

L: “Kind, loving, and thoughtful.”

H: “Vibrant and loving.”

J: “Surprising and thoughtful.”

K: “Exceptional.”

B: “Outstanding.”

M: “I’m thinking…Understanding, passionate, and beautiful.”

V: “Passionate.”

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My takeaway from the reminder that it is a privilege to grow older is that the keystone is to always come back to living in gratitude and in spending time surrounded with the people you treasure.

Having said that, I am beyond grateful for all of you!

xoxo - WRW