Raising A Son In A World That Hurts Women

How to be a powerful change for social good.

Dear Community,

I had an all together different piece set to publish today. But after last night learning about the trial in France seeking justice for Gisele Pelicot, on top of the years of abuse and assault Sean Combs reigned on countless victims, I had to address the horrific circumstances women continue to face in their daily lives.

Today my heart is heavy. Very heavy. To that end, I will not include my Little Black Book. All things considered, it feels very trivial.

Sending you love and courage to stand up and influence change. Change that is of great consequence.

xoxo - WRW

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My Dearest Son,

There are certain horrors too horrible to articulate. I don’t want to traumatize you nor paint the world as a bad place.

Yet how do I teach you what is at stake? How do I make certain you understand what has happened — what is still happening — so that you can be a part of the critically imperative change?

I realize that my insomnia tonight is caused from my own nervous system hurting, as if I myself have endured a sliver of the monstrous depravity Dominique Pelicot and Sean Combs, coupled with their pack of abhorrent animals, inflicted upon Gisele Pelicot and countless victims, respectively.

“[These horrific assaults] show how dangerous it is for girls and women to just be girls and women and just to exit as themselves.” ~ Alexandra Lachowsky, Board Member of Women for Women France

I viscerally feel horror. Hopelessness and despair that I don’t recall ever before experiencing, now fills me. The absolute dejection is overwhelming, faced with the fact that evil forces, ringleaders, like Dominique Pelicot and Sean Combs, exist. Women, to this day, are unsafe around many men. We are treated in ways that I would rather be dead than have to endure. And our girls, plus us women, most of the time do not know who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. For Gisele, the demonic wolf was her husband of 50 years.

Tonight, my son, I feel scared. I feel scared for your sister, for all girls, for all women, and for all mothers who will not be able to protect themselves or their daughters from being treated worse than these men treat the family dog.

Uncertain how to handle these facts I cling to my toolbox. I lay awake in bed and in my head I make a gratitude list, as an attempt to assuage the sickness aching in my stomach. “I am grateful for the brave women who come forward to shine a light on all that must change. I am grateful for the attorneys by their side. I am grateful for the doctors and therapists that help them find a semblance of healing. I am grateful for…” It doesn’t work.

I think about one of my mentors, Brian, and what he would do or say. “Take action that will catalyze others. Inspire and grow an army.”

And I think of you, my son.

How can I make you understand? How can I fundamentally, profoundly compel you to “my side?” The side of women. The side of humanity. The side of human decency. Because I need you in this fight. I cannot fathom, nor live with myself, if I fail as a mother of a son in this respect. For, if you do not stand with us, if you even slightly comply with toxic misogynistic norms such as laughing off, staying silent, or participating in off handed jokes, derogatory remarks, or inappropriate innuendos, then I have failed to raise you to see women as equal and worthy to be treated with absolute respect and human dignity. I will have failed to teach you that sexual assault and exploitation towards women stem from thinking and seeing us as objects to be slighted, objectified, used, or abused as another sees fit.

The normalization of misogyny is systemic. Because men are almost always the perpetrators, we as a society, including and especially men, must actively work to dismantle victim-blaming, lack of accountability, inadequate education on consent and respect, power imbalances, and toxic masculinity.

To stem the perpetuation of these harmful norms, we must explicitly align our thoughts, values, words, and deeds to those that…

• Teach both men and women about consent, healthy relationships, and the importance and necessity of respect.

• Call out objectifying and degrading depictions of women in media, film, and advertising and use our pocketbooks to cease supporting all such business.

• Address gender inequality by dismantling power structures that allow abuse to occur unchecked.

• Create safe spaces for victims to share their stories and receive help in recovering.

• Strengthen legal frameworks and ensure that systems of justice protect survivors and hold perpetrators responsible.

“French society, like all patriarchal society, doesn’t like women and doesn’t defend them.” ~ Anissa Rami, Journalist

Look no further than the fact that Dominique Pelicot faces up to only 20 years in prison for systematically drugging his wife, Gisele, rendering her unconscious, so that over 70 men could rape her over the course of several years. Clearly and without question, we as a global and domestic society have a long way to go in valuing the life and experience of a woman.

An assault on a woman is an assault on your sister, me — your mother, and if you are lucky to have a daughter one day, it is an assault on your daughter. It is an assault on our society. It is an assault on human decency and human dignity.

We are all human beings. Not one man would walk this planet if it were not for a woman.

Please, don’t be polite and quiet. Be loud and vocal. Be a leader in changing the omnipotent, omnipresent culture of abuse of women. Lead the charge in demanding that women be treated with the dignity that is our birthright.

Without a doubt, one of my most important and influential roles in this fight is to raise you to not only be different from the men who perpetuate misogyny, abuse, and assault, but to instill in you the compelling need to stand up, model, speak out, advocate, and fight for women to be treated with the utmost dignity and respect. To fight to ensure that women are safe. Safe from sexual violence, drugging, sex trafficking, gang rape, date rape, spousal rape — abuse of all forms.

If I fail in this, then I have failed completely.

Please take this to heart, my love, for you can help change the world.

~ Maman