The First Time

Dear Trusted Circle,

One thing I know to be true is that doing anything for the first time is always the hardest.

Something as mundane as making our way to a new hiking spot, doctor appointment, or meet up with friends, for example, requires figuring out all of the logistics for the first time. Even though we will use our navigation we will still think for a moment how we are going to get there. Will we need to take the freeway, city streets or mass transportation? Will there be traffic or will it be a straight and easy shot? How much in advance do we need to leave so that we arrive on time? What do we need to bring? The list goes on based on our particular circumstances.

The idea of the first time always being the hardest also applies to many other situations beyond logistics.

Learning new things is an obvious case of something being hardest in the beginning and then getting easier and easier the more we practice. Cooking a particular dish, playing an instrument, or writing, for example.

This concept also applies to the behaviors and habits we wish to install such as meditating, smiling at a passing stranger, or exercising.

Even though our days and weeks are filled with “firsts,” we may still feel a tiny bit of angst in the beginning just by nature of the unknown and difficulty that accompanies any first time experience. However, once the “first” has come and gone, it’s much easier every time thereafter, to where at some point what was once new becomes so rote that the process switches to auto pilot.

A point to pause and consider a bit deeper is this:

The same holds true for more questionable behaviors of character as well.

When we do something dubious for the first time, we cross an invisible line from the anomalous to the now established that makes it easier for us to repeat that behavior again in the future.

Consider this from the perspective of committing the transgression. The first time lying to our boss as to why we can not come in to work; the first time cheating on something or someone; the first time breaking a promise. If the action is not aligned with our values, yet we still commit the action, we will feel internally conflicted initially. However, once we cross over into the previously uncharted territory, a very subtle yet very real shift takes place and the next time, it is just a little bit easier to do again.

Now let’s look at it from the angle of when we are on the receiving end of the dodgy behavior and the transgression is at our expense. The first time someone who we are counting on lies to us as to why they can not show up for us; the first time someone cheats on us; the first time someone breaks a confidence they promised to uphold. They have taken the hardest step which is committing the transgression for the very first time. So beware. From that point on, it will only get easier for them to cross that line again.

We have all committed our own version of breaking ties with our values or societal norms of decent behavior. There may have been any number of reasons such as being young, naive, or just plain selfish.

Recognizing the power and momentum we create towards being the person we can be proud of by consciously choosing to act in alignment with our values is a nuanced yet mighty awareness.

And if we have the presence of mind to think about the slippery slope on the other side of the invisible line before taking an action that is not aligned with our values, we fortify the strength of the line we do not wish to cross. Thereby keeping the hardest first time at bay so that the undesirable action does not become easier and easier to do.

Warmly,

Whitney

P.S. Thank you Markus Spiske for the great cover photography.