Who Do You Want To Be?
The first step in finding your North Star.
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Dear Friends,
Hello, hello!
I have missed you and am so happy to be connecting after a handful of weeks away traveling with my family, experiencing new moments and places together, followed by branching out on our own individual adventures — my children to sleep away camp in the Adirondacks for two weeks, my husband to NY working on a new business venture, and me to The Ranch at Malibu to reconnect with myself in body, mind, and spirit.
Thank you so much for your grace while I have been away grounding, nourishing, and replenishing myself.
One of the themes or through lines of A Life Considered is not only growth, but transformation. Transformation into actuating the best version of ourselves thereby creating a deeply meaningful life where we are flourishing by fulfilling our potential, giving our unique gifts to the world, and connecting authentically with others.
I am excited to drill down into the nitty gritty of helping us create the best version of ourselves through concrete tools, lessons, and research, including today’s essay on the first step to successfully creating habits aligned with who you want to be.
But first, let’s get started with this week’s micro issue of my Little Black Book of hot off the press, favorite finds plus tried and true, time tested treasures.
Raku Yaki Bar Cabinet by Emmanuelle Simon — So I am obsessed with this gorgeous sculptural floating bar designed by the equally stunning French-Israeli architect and designer Emmanuelle Simon, and I have been secretly plotting where to home it. In the dining room, my husband’s office, the theater, or the music room? I especially love the wabi-sabi philosophy that finds beauty in imperfection and impermanence as seen in Simon’s use of the ancient Japanese ceramic technique of Raku which dates back over 400 years. I am also very partial to the art-deco design of the cabinet, plus the drama of the floating effect created by the ceiling and floor mounting. “Simon composes immaculately curated, resolutely modernist pieces that reflect her heightened sense of refinement, keen eye for detail, and passion for craftsmanship.” I couldn’t agree more.
The Ranch at Malibu — This is not your typical spa or resort vacation! My travel agent even tried to briefly talk me out of going, thinking I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. But it is exactly what I was looking for. A kick in the butt to get myself back into my body and put my own self care above everyone else’s as us women so often don’t do. So onto the details . . . This luxury boot camp is dedicated to improving the quality of our life by improving our health. The acclaimed, results-oriented program is designed to recalibrate the mind and body through an intense fitness and wellness regimen paired with a highly structured, plant-based nutritional diet. Each day entails a 5 am wake up call, 30 minutes of group stretch, followed by a four hour hike (a 2 hour option is available), afternoon strength training, restorative yoga sessions and deep tissue massage. Add ons include modalities such as IV therapy, colonics, energy work, and chiropractic adjustments. The rigorous routine is complemented by a 1400 calorie per day plant-based diet that includes fruits, vegetables, grains, pulses, legumes and seeds, and excludes alcohol, dairy, soy, processed sugars, diet sweeteners and gluten to aid in the cleansing and revitalization process. I just completed the nine day program and can’t rave about it enough. More to come on this in a future essay.
Westman Atelier Lip Suede — I am very committed to using clean products in my home and on my family’s and my body. While I don’t wear makeup, from time to time I will wear a lip and when I do, I always reach for one from Gucci Westman’s vault. Her Lip Suede is clean, long lasting, and beautiful. I especially love the shade Ma Biche - Spanish Red.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?
The first step in finding your True North.
We will always find what we set our compass to.
To that end, have you ever paused to consider where your compass is pointing?
Where do you want to go? What, exactly, is your destination? What joy and meaning are you to seek, embody, and share? What unique purpose are you here to fulfill? What legacy do you want to sow for your children, grandchildren, or future generations to reap, leaving this world and your community better off? Or as Mary Oliver simply, yet profoundly asks us, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
All of these considerations stem from one, fundamental question we must each decide for ourselves: “Who do I want to be?”
Another way to consider “who do I want to be” is to consider “what roles do I play or want to play.” For example, I am a mother and I am a writer. I am a writer not because I say I am, but because I sit down and actually write hundreds of words each day and I have published over 70 pieces in the last year and a half. I am a mother evidenced by actively and engagingly raising my two children as their primary caregiver.
James Clear, in Atomic Habits, tells us, that the more we repeat a behavior, the more we reinforce the identity associated with that behavior. As a matter of fact, the etymology of the word identity is derived from the two Latin words, essentitas and identidem. Essentitas means “being” and identidem means “repeatedly.”
Our identity is our “repeated beingness.”
Another way to say this is, “we are what we do repeatedly.” And another is, “we are our habits.”
“Identity change is the North Star of habit change. . . . You need to know who you want to be. Otherwise, your quest for change is like a boat without a rudder.” ~ James Clear
Therefore, it is not until we are clear on who we want to be, can we install the necessary habits that support becoming exactly that person.
The “who” comes before the “how.” For, it is our desired identity that ultimately illuminates what we need to do in order to become the person we aspire to be.
Clear writes:
“Building better habits isn’t about littering your day with life hacks. It’s not about flossing one tooth each night or taking a cold shower each morning or wearing the same outfit each day. It’s not about achieving external measures of success like earning more money, losing weight, or reducing stress. Habits can help you achieve all of these things, but fundamentally they are not about having something. They are about becoming someone.”
So I volley to you the question, who do you want to become?
I’ll go first.
An insightful storyteller exploring our common humanity and inspiring us to live intentionally. A radiantly alive, energized athlete with my sites set on joining the blue zone centenarians. A present, loving, connected mother and wife.
A connected mother and wife who is radiantly alive and an insightful storyteller.
Do: Reflect on the way you show up when you are at your absolute best. What were you doing? What qualities were you embodying? What were you not doing? Then, in a few short sentences, journal the identity that would best capture that best version of yourself. Play with it a bit until you find the short description that really resonates and feels like the perfect aspirational identity to use as your North Star.
Let us choose our identities wisely. Swinging for the fences. Believing in ourselves. We are worth fulfilling our greatest potential!
Sending love, xoxo,
Love this! 🩷
Thank you for the insight. I had not thought of creating habits through the lens of first determining who I want to be and then "the how" I want to get there follows that. I am brainstorming my identities now. Look forward to the next installment on habits.