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Yousra's avatar

I truly missed your writing — so glad you’re back 🙏🏻🙏🏻

My first instinct is that I so want to hug B and tell her: “This shall pass. You are so loved, supported, and guided.”

Through it all, she showed so much resilience, and as you beautifully said “Grace,” which is a true reflection of the beautiful light and soul that she is. So proud of her for navigating it and for having the courage to speak about it, process it, work through it, so that she can heal and grow! It takes courage and bravery to have those hard conversations — and that she gets from YOU! You’re such an amazing role model to her, and to those who are lucky to be a blurb in your orbit! Sending so much love to you both 💖💖

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you Yousra for your loving and kind words. It means so much to both B and me. xoxo

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Bita manochehri kalantari's avatar

Yes you are back. I missed all your lovely writing all your life lesson. I am sorry my little B you had hard time in camp. I am so proud of her , she tried new place with new people. I know how hard is that. Hope you feel better soon my little B.

Thanks for all the pictures 🌹♥️

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you BitaJunam for your love and support of her. xoxo.

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George's avatar

I miss you all very much! Because you're such an amazing mother/person, I can see why you feel the way you do. However, there's nothing you could have done. Love B and you all very much. This is a life lesson that she will work through. Cant wait to see her soon!

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you for your support George! xoxo

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Rachel's avatar

Please tell your sweet baby girl I am REALLY proud of her. Going to a new place, trying to find your way without the comforts of home, is hard at 9 (it’s hard at 99!) but to stay and really try takes grit. I went to camp for 13 years and some years were easier than others, but what I walked away with was a super sense of self and the knowledge that I could (and can) do hard things. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you, Whit, not being able to help the way you wanted…it was a growing moment for all involved! As someone who was also a counselor, I will tell you that sometimes campers or situations came to us that we were woefully unprepared for, and were paid $3000 for 8 weeks. That being said, I wish they had made a better effort to comfort your daughter and to find solutions. It sounds like they missed the mark and that is unacceptable.

I was literally thinking about this last night: one time we went on a 3 night overnight, that had 45 kids, 8 counselors 22 years and younger, and the unit head, who was 24 and was working on a psychology degree but had no real skills. We were wandering around in the desert of AZ as if we had any kind of idea as to what we were doing! lol.

I hope that down the road, your daughter is able to look back at camp and think “Wow! I am really good at knowing what I need and speaking out for myself!” And takes that lesson with her…and when she comes across girls in the future going through the same loneliness and discomfort, she is able to be the friend she needed to them. (Something tells me she won’t have a problem doing that! 💕💕) Love you!

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Rachel's avatar

I was just re-reading and wanted to make sure I explained re: my comments on the counselors…I meant the young ones in the cabin not having the skill set to handle things. The fact that the upper admin staff was not helpful is a nightmare, and I remember that terrible discovery as well…I am so glad she came home to a house with a mom and dad who love and value her and can help her process the lessons she was given…I wish I had the right words but I am confident that you and your husband will help her in every way you can. And for that…I know she is the luckiest girl in the world! 💕

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you Rachel for your insights always! I really appreciate you sharing your experience as a counselor. Yes, I think too much is asked and expected by these young counselors. xoxo

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Lisa Davis's avatar

Hi- Having just read this…..give her a hug from me - it may not mean anything but sadly I’m familiar with the exclusion from peers at around that age- although we don’t really have long summer camps in the UK, and how you have to survive through it- it’s like a sport to some.

Heartbreaking but it taught me I didn’t want to be like that - it’s of no real tangible comfort

Hopefully she’ll never have to see them again - but even if she doesn’t she’s forewarned of the wolves in sheep’s clothing that roam around us everyday.

So sorry she and you have had to have this experience

Aside from that massive challenge I hope you’re all good !

Hope to catch up soon 😘

Tell her she has lots of people rooting for her x

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Mr. Jreft's avatar

I struggled finding new tribes when I was younger. That was likely a reason why I never wanted to go to camp. Thanks for sharing your daughter’s experience. I’m sure she will come out stronger through this experience. I’m so sorry she had to endure this.

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

I’m sorry you too had tribal struggles. I think it’s a part of all our journeys growing up at one time or another. And yes I hope so too - stronger for it.

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Marni's avatar

This just tugged at all of my heart strings. I saw myself in so much of what you shared. I’ve been there at her age and beyond…even facing rejection at 38. I’ve had those same wishes “can I just forget those people/places/things?” The painful memories of mean girls from past and present. I feel her deeply. But it makes us who we are and she’ll be stronger for it. She’ll make choices where she’ll make sure everyone feels included or that they belong when she has the chance. The conditioning of the “good girl” is so deeply engrained and rooted in us - afraid to have anyone worry or be upset.

And how lucky is she to have you as a mom to help her navigate and process, unwind, unravel, and talk through it all? Sending so much love.

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Aww, thank you Marni for sharing and identifying so that we remember we are not alone. That she is not alone. And I completely agree that this experience will give her the compassion to include others so they do not feel the pain she felt of being excluded and shunned. Thank you also for your support of me as a mother. Especially when I am doubting myself. xoxo

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Kelly Gildea's avatar

I'm so sorry she had such a tough time. You were trying to give her a memorable experience and it kills me to think about how much guilt you are now carrying. You're a wonderful mom and she knows you've got her - I hope she heals swiftly and comes out even stronger on the other side. She is an amazing kid!

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you Kelly. Your kindness and understanding means so much to me. You hit the nail on the head about how I've been feeling. Because this has not been a little thing for her. It's been consuming a lot of her thoughts and conversation. But she has been meeting with our family therapist and me to work through it and turn it into strength instead of something that has a stronghold on her. Fingers crossed.

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Laura's avatar

This was a painful read for me. I can’t imagine her loneliness. But, I truly think she will grow from it.

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Thank you for that reflection and acknowledgement Laura. Yes, what she went through breaks my heart and if I let it, makes me angry. But I instead am focusing on helping her to alchemize. Thank you for being here.

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Laura's avatar

There is a gift in that experience that she will eventually find. But, going through something like that at her age is a lot. Breaks my heart.

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Yes, we may not understand what it is at the time, but with time, we do.

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Christine Dabbs's avatar

Glad you are back. It hurts my heart that your daughter struggled at camp from those around her. What’s supposed to be fun clearly was not. I hope she will try again next year.

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Francesca Fartaj's avatar

Exactly. What is supposed to be grand memories you treasure for life did not happen. I think in the future if she wants to go again, we will send her with a friend.

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Claire Smith's avatar

B is resilient and fierce! The app so far from the tree. She will learn from this and grow from this. this is a tough lesson to learn at any age, but especially at 9. Sometimes the lesson is what not to do or in this case, how to treat people.

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